2. Watch what he does – and remember that actions speak louder than words!
The same thing applies for what he’s telling you by his actions. If he’s mostly living life like a single guy, often going out with his friends when you’re not invited or included, look at those actions as very strong indicators that this guy is not into a relationship right now, and may not be for a very long time, if ever. He may be a great guy, but his maturity level is showing here, and it’s indicating he’s not on the same page as you are. If he’s ready for a real commitment, he’ll show you that he is by being there for you and making plans for your future together. If there’s no sign of any long term plans, then he’s stuck in single-guy mode. It’s time to clearly let him know what you expect in a relationship, which brings us to the next point.
3. Talk to him about what you’re looking for.
While I’m sure you’ve given him enough hints, either subtle or not so subtle, about what you’re looking for, it’s time to be absolutely clear and make sure that he understands that you’re looking for a long term relationship. Define it for him, to make sure he understands – after all, his definition of a long term relationship might be quite different from yours. If you want to be married (at some point), let him know; if you want children (again, at some point), let him know this as well. It’s very important to make sure that you’re both wanting to go down the same path, otherwise you’ll both be unhappy later. I can’t say this enough – don’t beat around the bush here – make sure he completely understands that you’re looking for someone to build a future with. If he still can’t give you what you want, find someone who will.
4. Set a reasonable time limit.
Do this primarily for yourself, but it’s also a good idea to let your guy know what you’re thinking. I’m not talking about giving him an ultimatum; I’m just talking about clearly communicating what you’re looking for in a relationship, and generally how long you’re willing to wait for it. This will be different for each of you, of course, depending on where you are in your life. You may not even know yourself. And if this is the case, it’s time for some soul searching, because if you don’t know how long you’re willing to wait, you certainly won’t be able to communicate this to your guy.
5. Keep living your own life!
Ironically, you may find in living your own life, your very best life, focusing on YOU and what you enjoy, that commitment issues naturally work themselves out. You’ll find that through living your own life and following your own passions that you become stronger, healthier, and happier. You’ll begin to clearly see that you’re worth much more than what you’ve been getting from him, and suddenly it becomes all too clear what you need to do for you. You may meet a guy that’s a much better match for you while you’re out doing what you love. Alternatively, you may find that your current relationship improves drastically because you’re filling your life with so many things that you’re passionate about that your partner picks up on the energy and is able to fully engage in the relationship. The bottom line is that only good can come of making time for yourself and pursuing your own interests.
6. Know when to draw the line.
Once you’ve decided on your own personal time limit, stick to it. Know when enough is enough. When it’s time to let go and move on. It’s different for everyone, but at some point trust your gut instincts. If you’ve passed your time limit and he’s clearly showing you he’s not coming around, then respect yourself and gracefully move on.
7. Trust that if he really IS the One, it WILL happen… even if you choose to let him go.
I know. You’re just thinking he’s got to be close. And the worst fear in your mind right now is that you might just decide to get out now, before you waste any more of your life away, but, you’re saying to me, what if he’s ready the next day? What then? I’ll have missed my chance! Ok, I get what you’re saying, because I’ve been there too, but just so you’re clear, and so we can take the fear factor out of the equation here, let’s reiterate. If he’s really that great and he decides he’s ready to be what he knows he needs to be for this relationship to work (and lest there be any confusion here, he knows it’s his move, he knows it’s up to him to make this work if it’s going to work), you’ll know! He knows how to use a telephone, a cell phone, a computer, and a car – he knows how to get in touch with you if he wants to. And then you can decide for yourself if it’s for real and begin your happily ever after life, or if it’s just more drama and you’re smart enough to see it for what it is this time and opt not to get pulled back in. But it will be your choice, and on your terms.
The bottom line is that you only deserve the best, and that means you won’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.
Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at www.gettingtotruelove.com.
To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want ... and Deserve."