Because here’s the thing; by waiting around, by staying even though we’re not getting what we really want from him, he’s learning what he can get away with, the bare minimum he has to do to keep us around. After all, he is attracted to us. He does like having us around, at least when he wants to remember what it’s like to have a girlfriend and to collect on the benefits of having one. But the rest of the time, he wants to continue to be able to live his life in his comfort zone. Read: he’s just not ready for a real relationship right now. To put it another way, what he’s really saying is he’s just not ready to commit to what it means to be in a real relationship with you right now. He’s not ready for the give and take thing, the equal thing, the sharing your life with another person thing. The him being with you and you being with him thing. The open communication thing. He’s not ready, but he’s not quite ready to give it up either. He’s thinking that someday he’s going to be ready for a real relationship and he wants you to be there, too. Just not right now. He wants to have it both ways – enjoy having you as his girlfriend, but also hanging onto his single life, and still being able to keep his options open.
The irony is that he actually knows you’re all that – he knows what a great catch you are, maybe even more than you know what a great catch you are. And he also knows what you want from him, but the reality is he also knows he can’t give it to you right now. But someday he thinks he might be able to. Someday, when he’s ready to make some changes, ready to give up his current extra-curricular single man activities and settle down, then he’ll be ready for what you want. Complete with the white picket fence, a loving wife and beautiful children. He’d like that too, really, someday. Just not right now. Did you get that distinction? That’s an important point I want to make here. He’s not a bad guy, he’s got some great qualities and yes, I can totally see why you’re head over heels for him and why you really, really, really want him to be the one. But he’s not the one right now. And that’s the thing. We really don’t know when he will be, if ever. And you’re ready now. Which means he’s not the one for you.
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I know; you’d like to think it will happen soon but there’s just no way of knowing. It may not be for a really, really, really long time. And it might not happen at all. And that’s what you have to realistically come to terms with. Are you willing to waste any more of your life waiting for him to come around?
So how can you avoid wasting a big chunk of your life on a guy that’s never going to commit? These took me a long time to learn, but hopefully I can save you a lot of time – and heartbreak. Here are seven things that you can do right now to move down the path to commitment:
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1. Listen to what he says – and believe him!