He may also say that he feels that nothing has changed. This may be because he’s not in touch with his feelings or aware of his own changes in behavior, or it may be that he’s now being his true self and he’s just not capable of giving you more than you’re getting from him right now. If this is the case, this gives you a chance to re-evaluate the relationship while it’s still early and recognize that you may be looking for something from him that he just won’t be able to give you. It may also be that he’s not comfortable with this type of direct communication. And this is something that's always good to find out early, because if you’re the type of person that wants to be able to communicate freely and openly, then this is a sure sign that the relationship will be on a rocky road.
On the other hand, you may find out that the answer’s more benign, and you were worried for nothing. Maybe he’s had some stressful situations at work that have had him preoccupied. Or maybe he’s had some personal or family health issues that he hasn’t felt comfortable discussing yet. Giving him a chance to open up and tell you what's going on with him shows him that you care enough to ask him without jumping to conclusions of your own (even if you were!). Finding out now will help to relieve your anxiety and may even wind up bringing the two of you closer than ever. Again, knowing the truth is always better than second guessing or attempting mind-reading, which we all know never works!
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If you’re not ready to tackle things head-on just yet, or you're just not comfortable with that approach, and there's nothing wrong with that either, there’s another good option to consider. In fact, it's something you'll want to make a habit of doing in every relationship you're in; not just when things are taking a turn for the worse.
2. Focus on Yourself
The second choice is to let it ride while making up the difference with your own life. Enjoy yourself, pursue your own interests, follow your own passions, expand your world. Take a break from thinking about the relationship and go to that art gallery you’ve been wanting to check out or take that dance class you’ve been thinking about. In this way you’ll be discovering your true self while at the same time giving him the space he seems to be asking for. And then take some time to reassess what you’re really getting out of this relationship. After getting a little space and distance from the relationship yourself, you may find that you’ve gained more clarity and realize that it’s not all that after all.
On the other hand, you may find that this bit of distance between you actually brings you closer together when the two of you are together. One thing that men love is a woman who has her own life. And having your own life will make you more confident about who you are and what you want out of life, which men also find very attractive.
And if all else fails, there is a third thing you can do.
3. Let It Go
If he’s gotten so distant that the writing’s clearly on the wall, just let him go. Even if he shows so much potential. And do it without hard feelings, since it truly is a gift. Because as hard as it is to admit it to ourselves sometimes, some relationships are just not meant to be. As hard as it can be to give up the dream of what the relationship could have been, at least in our minds, sometimes we find ourselves falling for guys that are just not the ones for us. And you deserve better than that. Better than settling for something that’s less than the real thing. Better than settling for someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Because there really is someone out there who will treat you better than that. Someone who’s waiting for you to come along as much as you’re waiting for him.
The irony is that it’s only when we refuse to settle for anything less than we deserve that we find out we don’t have to.
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Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it's like to have a broken heart, a broken dream and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at www.gettingtotruelove.com
To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve"