3 Things To Do When He's Emotionally Distant
By Jane Garapick. Posted on .
The good news is that we can look at this as a gift. It’s the gift of a clear message that things aren’t quite right. It’s like getting sick – when our bodies are telling us that something’s wrong; we’re working too much, we’re too stressed, or maybe we’re not eating well. And we can then take steps to correct the imbalance. The message here is similar – you’re both on different pages, and there’s an imbalance that needs to be corrected. And whether we like it or not, what we’re seeing is who he is and where he’s at right now. And that’s the point. The present. Right now. That ideal we have in our mind, those dreams we’ve got – they’re all ours, not his. And whether he’d be the perfect guy for us if he’d just be more attentive isn’t the point. He’s showing us what he’s capable of right now. And that is the point.
So what do we do in this situation? Well, contrary to what we might think, we have more control over this scenario than it may seem. There are basically three avenues we can take.
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1. Be Direct and Ask Him
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If you’re feeling like he’s distancing himself and the two of you are losing the connection you once had, well, you’re most likely right. Our instincts are usually spot-on in this regard. So we know he’s not where we are, not on that same page as us right now, and he’s not quite sure how to let us know except by putting some distance between us. The reason for this is because he’s insecure, too! He afraid to tell us how he’s feeling directly; he’s not a guy who’s in touch with his feelings and can say what’s going on. So go ahead and tell him how you’re feeling, and ask him why things have changed. If you take this route, be prepared and open to hear the truth. He may say that he’s having second thoughts about the relationship. He may be feeling like the relationship is moving too quickly, and he wants to slow things down a little. He may be afraid he’s losing his freedom. Maybe an ex has re-entered the picture. If the answer is any of these, just know that knowing the truth earlier is always better, and it will save you a lot of anxiety and even more heartbreak down the road. Even if it feels like it would be better to just wait it out. There's nothing worse than finding out things like this after the fact; after you've invested that much more of yourself in him.
