"He'd Be Great, If Only..."


"He'd Be Great, If Only..."
Sometimes the way to getting your guy to change isn’t exactly what you’d expect.

We’ve all been there – he’s the perfect guy, except… Some of these complaints are relatively minor; he throws his sweaty workout underwear on top of your bath towel, or he leaves the razor stubble all over the bathroom sink without rinsing it down. And some are much more serious; such as infidelity, physical abuse, or substance abuse. As far as the second category goes, as long as marriage and children are not yet involved, it’s best to walk away and stay away. If a man cheats, it does not get better with time; in fact it usually gets worse. If he’s done it once, and you stay with him, he knows he can get away with it and it will most likely happen again when the opportunity presents itself. And as far as both physical abuse and substance abuse, well, they’re both best left to the professionals. Unless he’s actively seeking counseling or rehabilitation for his problem, this too will only get worse with time and will bring with it a lot of heartache. But for the majority of us, it’s those little complaints that fall under the first category – traits in your partner that you find irritating or annoying – that we want to know what to do about.

So what do you do when the guy you’re with is perfect in every way – he’s attentive, not only remembers your birthday but your families birthdays, he treats you with respect and kindness, is very romantic – but he has one or two traits that you just can’t take. Maybe at home he’s a messy marvin or clutterbug – he leaves his clothes lying around, has stacks of papers and junk mail around, and his sink is perpetually full of dirty dishes, and you’re more of the neat and orderly type. This is where things get really tricky.

More from YourTango: He Said, She Said: How Do I Get My Partner To Open Up?

More from YourTango: Ladies, Your Career Is Ruining Your Love Life

To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want ... and Deserve"

This is the type of situation that occurs in nearly every relationship. There’s no such thing as the perfect person. Even if (and I should say especially if) the other person is just like us, there will be things we don’t like, because there are things we don’t like about ourselves. In fact, it’s usually the things that we most don’t like about ourselves that we readily dislike in others. Without getting too deep into the psychology of it all, suffice it to say that in relationships, like in pretty much all of life, there is no Shangri-la. There are always trade-offs. The question you should be asking is “Will I grow to love this trait, or at least tolerate it?”

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Jane Garapick

Dating Coach

Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at her website

To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve"

You can also follow her on Twitter @JaneGarapick and "like" her page on Facebook

Location: Alpharetta, GA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Jane Garapick:

He Said, She Said: How Do I Get My Partner To Open Up?

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Ladies, Your Career Is Ruining Your Love Life


Are you a smart, attractive and successful career woman, but find yourself frustrated that you can't get many dates? And those that you do get don't seem to turn into second or third dates, much less a ring on your finger? Well, you're not alone and new research suggests that it's not your fault you're eating your meals alone in front of ... Read more

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Whether you're trying your hand at speed dating or just looking to get the attention of that guy in the elevator who's caught your eye, often there's just not much time to make that initial connection. The good news is, a recent study by Stanford University indicates that you can make a meaningful connection with someone in as little as four ... Read more

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