Because the reality is we don't ever really need saving. We may think we do; we may have been brought up amid messages that convinced us to believe we are damsels in distress in need of a wonderful knight in shining armor to come and slay the dragons for us – and that may make for an exciting fantasy, but it's not the stuff of reality. The price we pay for turning over that much control of our lives to someone who may or may not have our best interests at heart is always too high.
I remember all too well when this reality became clear to me. Yet another man, another relationship had let me down, or so it seemed, when in reality, it was just another lesson sent to nudge me closer to embracing my true self, to stop looking outside of myself and start realizing I had it all right here inside me. I was enough! I didn't need anyone to save me. I was no damsel in distress. I didn't need anyone to slay my dragons.
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I only needed to find myself to discover that I was enough. In and of myself. And to learn the difference between finding someone to join me as my equal in this adventure we call life versus someone I'd always be looking up to, putting up on a pedestal, losing myself in the process. And that's more real than any superficial knight coming to save me could ever be.
Do The Work
If you want your life to be different, it's time to know that you're in control and that you're fully capable of making the changes that are necessary to make your life different. The first step is in building up your self-esteem and realizing your true worth, your value.
It's in this process of raising your self-esteem and getting healthy for yourself that you change the patterns of your past. Instead of ending up just as unhappy in the next relationship as you've been in prior relationships, with a healthier you, you'll attract a relationship that's both a happier and healthier one. Remember, you need to be healthy before you can be in a healthy relationship.
In my article Are You Drawn To The Fixer-Upper? I said that you want a partner, not a patient. This time I'll say the reverse – you want a partner, not a therapist. If you have debilitating self-doubt, get the help that you need before you're in a relationship. If you're already in a relationship, get the help that you need outside of your relationship.
Sure, you can rely on your partner for support and encouragement, as you well should, but get the help you need from a professional. If seeking professional help is not practical, due to financial or other reasons, then get yourself some good books to study, and do the work (reading about it alone won't do anything – you need to do the deep work on yourself).
It also helps to find someone outside of the relationship that you can talk to & bounce ideas off of. Maybe it's a friend, coworker, or family member. The important thing is that it be someone who is non-judgmental and trustworthy.
Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it's like to have a broken heart, a broken dream and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at www.gettingtotruelove.com.
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To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve".