3. He's independent. You can't control a bad boy. Bad boys do what they want, when they want, and it doesn't matter if it upsets you. While this may feel exciting at first – we're wired to want the alpha male, the born leader, both for protection and his good genes – you still want a guy that respects your opinions and is considerate of your feelings. Go for a guy that has his own mind, but is also willing to compromise.
4. He's unpredictable. Bad boys are exciting and spontaneous, ready to jet off for an exotic vacation in a heartbeat, just for fun. They're always coming up with crazy (sometimes slightly illegal) ideas of things to do, which allows you to feel the rush of giving into your secret wild side. This is great for a while until you're ready to settle down, get the little Pink house in the suburbs, and raise the little ones, while he still wants to jet off and have fun. "He'd Be Great, If Only..."
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You were so sure he'd change – after all, you changed, right? Wrong. The truth is you knew all along that you were just temporarily having fun, while for him it's a permanent lifestyle. Go for a guy that's flexible but grounded, likes to have fun but isn't too crazy, and you'll have the best of both worlds.
5. He's unavailable. Bad boys are typically unavailable, at least for a real relationship. We love this because people inherently want what's just out of reach – it's human nature. The ad agencies have known this for years (think: only 4 left at this price! Act now! One day only!)
Once we think something is scarce, in our minds it's more valuable. Nice guys actually want a relationship, and show us by being available; by calling when they say they will, and by setting up dates in advance so we know we're a priority. But then we don’t like it, we think it's boring, or that he's not interesting enough for us, so we dump him. If this sounds like you, then you may not be ready for a real relationship yourself. 8 Signs You Aren't Ready For A Relationship
6. He's broken. Bad boys always have their demons, and it makes them mysterious and oh so fascinating. We kindhearted, nurturing women tend to gravitate towards these wounded, tormented, suffering souls in an effort to fix them and save them from their anguish. As romantic as this may seem to some of us with the Florence Nightingale complex, in reality it just means future suffering for ourselves. Skip the fixer-upper and go for the guy with the solid foundation.
7. He's sexy – and sexual. He's got the moves, and there's a good reason – he's had lots of practice. While there's a slight chance that you'll be his last conquest, it's much more likely that you're just one of many numbers somewhere in between his first and his last. It's better to go with the guy that might not be as experienced, but you can learn to satisfy each other amazingly. And the best part of being with the nice guy is that it keeps getting better and better.
8. He's very romantic. Bad boys know how to romance us, usually right into bed. They pull out all the stops, put us up on that wonderful pedestal, and treat us like queens – at least for the short time they're still interested. While love songs and surprise roses are wonderful, what's really romantic is down the road when he doesn't mind swinging by the store on his way home to buy milk, or when he takes the kids out to the park for an hour so that you can have a relaxing bubble bath alone. Trust me, go for the nice, trustworthy, stable guy – you'll be amazed at how romantic it can be.
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Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it's like to have a broken heart, a broken dream and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at www.gettingtotruelove.com. To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve"