4. She's a constant reminder of everything you're doing wrong. Whether it's snide comments like, "Are you really going to wear that dress?" or "Shouldn't you skip dessert this time?" or the popular line "When are you going to find a nice guy and settle down?" moms have a way of making sure we know what our flaws are. Whether we want to admit it or not, her opinion matters to us and these become ingrained in who we believe we are. These beliefs can have a detrimental effect on our self-esteem, which in turn has a very detrimental effect on our relationships.
Keep in mind that none of these are meant to blame your mother for how you behave today or for the choices you make—we all know we're adults and are responsible for our own actions. But knowing what may have made you into the person that you are can help you to make positive changes in your life. Also, knowing what your triggers are can help you to notice these triggers when they arise and modify your reactions to them. Our internal programming tends to bubble up out of nowhere during times of stress, such as during arguments with a significant other, so this is when you need to be particularly cognizant of these triggers so that you can stop them from causing damage to your relationships.
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It's important to remember that mom is only human (just like all of us) and you should forgive her for anything she might have done that you feel has caused you problems. Then, remind yourself that she really does love you, remember all of the wonderful things she did for you, and thank her for those things this Mother's Day. You'll both feel better for it and it will do wonders for your relationship.
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Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it's like to have a broken heart, a broken dream and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at www.gettingtotruelove.com. To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want ... and Deserve"