I recently reconnected with a friend of mine from my single, dating days. Back then she and I were searching for Mr. Right together, and we spent a lot of time discussing the men we were dating and analyzing our various relationships. This woman is beautiful, talented, funny, very hip and is a lot of fun to be around. She's now in her mid-forties and single, but has found herself wondering if she's single because she's had such high standards over the years when selecting who she was willing to date.
I know all about her high standards; I had always held to them as well, so it really got me thinking about the idea of being picky, and not settling for less than you want.
1) You're being too picky if your list doesn't focus on what really matters.
We both had our lists. Not necessarily written lists (although I had various versions of written lists over the years), but we always carried with us in our minds subconscious lists of our must haves that were the driving force behind deciding whether or not to get involved with a particular guy. And at the top of our lists were always the superficial things like height (both of our guys had to be over 6 feet), weight (I liked slim, she liked brawny), hair color (mine dark, hers blonde), how attractive he was, how stylish, how confident, how athletic, what kind of car he drove, and on and on and on – you get the idea.
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We knew we were being very picky, and felt that we deserved to be – after all, we were looking for a partner for life, so he had to be exactly what we wanted, right? So we always held out for our ideal - guys who were tall, dark and handsome, dressed very well, made a lot of money, drove expensive cars, and were extremely charming.
But these same guys also wouldn’t call us when they’d say they were going to, would stand us up and then have a dozen excuses for it, would call us up at the last minute to get together, would leave us hanging for days only to call later on their terms, and often wound up telling us that they were involved with someone else. Never mind that they would think nothing of the broken heart they would leave us with when they dropped us in a heartbeat as soon as someone they thought was better came along. And we put up with it because we thought they were everything we wanted in a guy.
2) You're being too picky if how he treats you isn't the first thing on your list.