The 10-Step, Never-Look-Back Plan To QUIT Your Toxic Relationship

toxic relationship
Heartbreak, Self

You know he needs to go. Here's just how to do it.

When was the last time you felt overcome by joy when you looked at your man across the dinner table?

Has it been a long time? Or worse, never? ... Instead, do you feel a subtle sense of anxiety when you look at him?

Then you're in a toxic relationship

Toxic men hurt the people around them. And whether that hurt is intentional or not, their words and actions cause us to question our choices. They undermine anything you do and spoil the enjoyment and enthusiasm you feel at your most creative.

Somehow, they seem to hit you with a wounding word or look just when you’re most vulnerable. 

No one has the right to do that to you. Read that again.

Once the stress of a toxic relationship starts, it builds to physical symptoms such as chronic fatigue, headaches, neck and back pain, stomach upset, eating and sleeping disorders and nagging illnesses — and those are just the minor affects.

There’s a 34 percent increase in cardiac problems for those in toxic relationships, as well as a shortened lifespan by an average of 11 years. And that’s not all: Blood pressure and blood sugar levels are higher; obesity rates, diabetes, depression, and incidences of stroke all increase; and levels of good cholesterol lower.

When the relationship finally drains the life from you, and nothing of you is left, do you really need any more reasons to stay? You know you don’t feel good around him, and it’s literally killing you, so what’s left? 

It's time to walk away from him. 


Easier said than done, I realize. Especially when you feel so emotionally beat down by the relationships.

Here are 10 ways to lift yourself back up, leave the relationship, and move on to better opportunities: 

1. Clarify your own boundaries. 

Accept that it may not happen overnight. People enjoy convenience, and if your man isn’t respecting you now, chances are, your first attempt at giving him the heave ho won’t result in immediate success. That’s why the clearer you are, the clearer you can communicate — repetitively.

2.  Tell him "It's over."

Plan how you’re going to let him go, then do it. 


3.  Refuse to justify, over-explain, reason with, or debate your decision. 

You do not need to answer to his doubting, bullying, or mocking. Say what you have to say, and leave.

4.  Consider meeting in a public place and have a friend sit at a nearby table.

Meet him at a restaurant or cafe if you want some moral support close by. Looking over to see a friendly face is helpful when the man who’s shared your most intimate space tells you all the things he thinks you want to hear. 

5.  Block him.

Do not follow him on social media, and block him so he cannot follow you. 


6.  Write him a letter

Can’t get your point across? Write it down. You said it, now write it. Sure, you could text but you know how easy that is to delete. Write it, seal it, and mail it. How formal and, yes, official! (Email works, too).

7.  Lean into your newly found time alone with intention. 

Even if you simply spend your free hours daydreaming, think about what you want moving forward, what you'll actually enjoy. Nature abhors a vacuum, and you know you don’t want to pick up that phone, so plan (in advance) what you'll do in your downtime instead. 

8.  Surround yourself with positive influences.

Spend time with people who make you feel good, images that reinforce the highest potential of your life, and activities that inspire you to become the best version of yourself. 

9.  Allow yourself time to heal.

You’ve just opened a wound and it hurts, so give yourself time to mend and heal. Pamper yourself and use the time for inner healing work on your self-image (so that you won’t allow anyone to put you down again).


10.  Celebrate.

Woohoo — you did it! Look at your life now and who is in it. Whether you want to invite someone new in or not, don’t you feel better about yourself?

Choose a way to honor your decision and your bravery. Make it private if you’re an introvert, or go and party with your positive friends if you’re an extrovert, but do celebrate yourself. You deserve this happier, healthier new life you're creating.

As you focus on removing that toxic man from your life, you may just find yourself removing all toxic relationships from your life. Once you clear those negative influences, you open up room for positive change to flood in. So, make room for what you want in your life, because you deserve it!

Jan L. Bowen is a passionate thought leader who helps clients align their lives so they find more joy and greater connection. Follow Jan on her website and on Facebook.


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