Where is this relationship going?
It's the hardest question to ask. Yet, if you don't know the answer, it's the most unnerving. You may be waiting for the right time.
However, when is the right time?
There are three moments when it's imperative that you ask him about where your relationship is going. Let's look at these three moments and find out when is the best time to ask about the future of your relationship:
1. Before it gets going.
This is the best time to ask because you don't have to ask. You can require and negotiate a long-term plan before you get into the relationship.
2. It's been a year.
Men are all about momentum. If it's been a year and you haven't heard anything, you're losing momentum.
Men don't suddenly wake up one morning and decide they want to get married. They have to be concerned about losing you.
If it's been a year, say: "I've really enjoyed our year together of dating. However, I feel uncomfortable. I don't want to date without a long-term plan. What do you think?"
Then, listen intently because you're about to get your answer.
You might be met with resistance and you have to be comfortable with that because if you really want a relationship, you have to be willing to risk losing it.
3. You don't feel good about it.
This can happen at any time but usually, it happens when it's been too long without any clear direction.
The body doesn't lie. If your instincts are telling you something is off, you need to talk about it.
Remember: you can negotiate or renegotiate anytime even if you've never talked about it. However, you may have to take your cards off the table.
A man isn't going to negotiate with you if he's already getting everything he wants for free (for example, sex).
Say: "I really like you and I have enjoyed our time together. However, I've made a mistake. I had sex with you without knowing what our long-term plan is and I don't feel comfortable with that. What do you think?"
A man who cares about how you feel will take your feelings into consideration. He will come up with a plan to alleviate your uncomfortable feelings that you both can agree on.
A relationship is a series of kept agreements. Relationships are built on the bad days, not the good days. Uncomfortable conversations only happen with people who love you.
The best time to have a conversation about where the relationship is going is before the relationship gets going, if it's been a year and you're losing momentum, or when you don't feel good about it and your body wants clarity because the uncertainty turns you off.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for SMART women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you're a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in A Life of Love.
This article was originally published at jamesallenhanrahan.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.