Plus, three ways to PROPERLY handle your first fight.
You've been together a few months and you've never had a fight. Now suddenly you do. Does this mean the relationship is over?
No. In fact, you're not even in a relationship until you've had a fight. You don't really know someone until you find out what they're like when they don't like you. And the key to fighting successfully is effective communication.
1. Stop digging the hole.
When you get in a fight, you may think the whole relationship is in jeopardy. You may even ask "Do you still want to be with me?"
This is called digging the hole. When you take a problem and then you dig deeper. You're going to get a chance to discuss the problem, but first, stop digging the hole and taking the conversation where you don't want it to go.
2. Change the subject.
Problems are rarely solved in the moment they happen. Men especially need time to clarify their thoughts and be able to express them.
You may think, "We need to get to the bottom of this now." What I'm suggesting is that you allow things to be unresolved. Take a moment, breathe, and change the subject.
You can do this by doing something simple, like saying, "I understand. What do you want to eat for dinner?"
This signals a man you're confident enough to handle uncomfortable situations and it's not the end of the world.
3. Wait till you're back on track.
If you have the patience to not tackle the problem head-on, a guy will forget about it and remember why he likes you because it's fun to be with you and he's attracted to you.
The time to address uncomfortable feelings is when you're back on track. When you both remember you like each other, the problem won't seem like such a big deal.
Then you can bring it up by saying, "I love you. However, I have some uncomfortable feelings about XYZ. What do you think?"
Then listen intently and let him come up with a solution.
This is a very simple formula. Wait until you're both in a good place. Give him the problem by telling him what you feel uncomfortable about. Let him come up with a solution.
Fighting is not the end of the relationship. In fact, it's the beginning.
If you can remember to stop digging the hole, change the subject and wait until you're back on track, you'll have the confidence to handle uncomfortable situations with grace.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for SMART women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you're a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in A Life of Love.
This article was originally published at www.jamesallenhanrahan.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.