Are You A Dating Pain Addict For Love?


Are You A Dating Pain Addict For Love?
Are you dating for pleasure or pain? It can get confusing.

Some of us are norepinepherine addicts. We long for love. Or shall I say, we long for longing. The carrot on a stick. We follow the illusion to keep it out of reach. How many people have gotten what they wanted to their utter disappointment? The rationale is I was mistaken, this is not it.

We can't stand the satisfaction. It kills the high. When we run on norepinepherine it's a long ride. Getting off kills the buzz. We long because longing is where the adrenaline is. I've heard that the worst thing that can happen is to have your dreams come true. It sounds absurd until you've tried it — ask lottery winners. It typically destroys their lives. Ground is so important. We'll do anything to get back to it. We’re fundamentally built from the ground up.


We learn our taste for longing by discounting elusive people growing up. We follow our leaders. We beat to their rhythm searching for clues on how love is given. Chase me, don't catch me. Keep me on the hook. How many of us have left someone because they loved us? The unrequited is how we treat ourselves. We learn to discount the genuine. We fight to stay afloat even when we're buoyant.

The craving brain wires for more highs. We develop a taste for dissatisfaction. It becomes a way of life. Longing seems rational to no one but you. Your friends look on in amazement. That's when you're not secretive. It's usually a best kept secret, best shared alone. Longing hates to be interrupted.

Addiction is defined as an allergy of the body, a compulsion of the mind. We always have chemistry. The question is, "What kind?" How well do we handle being well? For some of us, it's an acquired taste. Well-being is not a first choice, it's not high enough, not low enough. Longing is a horseless rider going nowhere, spiraling in circles of stagnation. There's safety in the known. It tranquilizes us. We argue for our limitations: they're our oldest friends.

P.S. Recommended A Life Of Love and Chemistry To Commitment.

This article was originally published at James Allen Hanrahan . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
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James Allen Hanrahan

Relationship Coach

I work with professional alpha women and the men who love them. Smart, successful people with an on going war between their head and their heart which makes it difficult to have lasting, loving relationships. Welcome.

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Thank you James!
I just went out with a guy who is just the way you described it (feminine energy man), and was such a turn off! He started as a ten and as you mentioned, he did not give me any material, nor protected me (he actually crashed his bike against mine and I fell off the ground), and he cares about his feelings, not mine. So even though he seems like an amazing guy (in so many other areas), all these things put together were such a turnoff! And he keeps himself poor! Jees...Thank you for putting it in such a clean cut way!

 Do you give too much?  Do you have trouble receiving? When you understand what to say and how to say it to a man you will attract and keep the man you want to be with for the rest of your life. Having been alone for many years I know how painful and frustrating it can be not to know why or what to do or say. 

However as a result of what I want to share with you I'm now happily married. It's been a long journey and I want the same for you because in the end love is all that matters. It's possible and you deserve to be loved for who you are inside. Contact me and find your way back to love from the "Inside out Outside in"..

Much love,




Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
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