All Men Are Fixer-Uppers

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All Men Are Fixer-Uppers
How To Create Relationships You Want: Understanding Men And Dating

All men are fixer-uppers.  They are a combination of what they learned from their mother and all of the women who have come before you.  The learning curve for men and women is entirely different.  For women, it’s an actual curve.  For men, it's more of a straight line with a slight rise at the end of it.  Usually, it's at the end of a relationship right around the time you say “I’m done.”  The time when he says, “I’m so sorry, I messed up.  Can we get back together?”, you say, “I’m done.”  He asks ”Why?” and you say, ”You don’t have the feeling anymore.”  Or, as my wife says, “You killed my feeling.”  Men are slow learners.

Do you do any kind of partner-dancingballroom, tango, salsa?  I met my wife dancing salsa.  Partner-dancing is a great example of the learning curve between men and women.  When a woman first starts learning, she catches on quickly.  If she’s with a really good leader, he can make her look really great quite easily. 

For men, it’s entirely different.  When a man starts learning, it’s painful.  Perhaps it's because we are left-brained and can do only one thing at a time. It’s equally painful for women to watch.  If he dances with a good female follower, she’s no help.  In fact, if she’s not patient, she will look at him like he's an idiot.  However, if a man persists, after a while he’ll have a growth spurt.  After being terrible for months, he’ll suddenly be a good leader.  As men, we remember the women who were patient with us and the ones who weren’t.  It’s the same when it comes to relationships.

I ask women how they’re doing in their dating life and they say, "I'm okay, but the guy I was dating asked me what I think and then told me how he feels without considering my words.  I’m not dating him anymore.”  I suggest to them that they need to be more patient; that the learning curve is much different for men.  I also say that it’s a tremendous gift when anyone is willing to be intimate with us for any length of time.  And, it’s an honor when people are willing to duke it out with us.  In essence, for emphasis, be patient.  All men are fixer-uppers.

P.S. Consider coaching as a great way to understand men and ask your questions.

More couples counselor advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

James Allen Hanrahan

Relationship Coach

I work with professional alpha women and the men who love them. Smart, successful people with an on going war between their head and their heart which makes it difficult to have lasting, loving relationships. Welcome.

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Thank you James!
I just went out with a guy who is just the way you described it (feminine energy man), and was such a turn off! He started as a ten and as you mentioned, he did not give me any material, nor protected me (he actually crashed his bike against mine and I fell off the ground), and he cares about his feelings, not mine. So even though he seems like an amazing guy (in so many other areas), all these things put together were such a turnoff! And he keeps himself poor! Jees...Thank you for putting it in such a clean cut way!

 Do you give too much?  Do you have trouble receiving? When you understand what to say and how to say it to a man you will attract and keep the man you want to be with for the rest of your life. Having been alone for many years I know how painful and frustrating it can be not to know why or what to do or say. 

However as a result of what I want to share with you I'm now happily married. It's been a long journey and I want the same for you because in the end love is all that matters. It's possible and you deserve to be loved for who you are inside. Contact me and find your way back to love from the "Inside out Outside in"..

Much love,

James

 

 

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
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