Your Picker Is Off!
By Jaime Richards. Posted on .
Girls - I think we've all done it: Selected horrible matches for ourselves based on the fact that they would make gorgeous babies with us. In fact, I know we're still doing it, because 90% of the women who submit their free profiles to me in my matchmaking database are telling me that they want a man over 6ft tall. Well, if that's only 15% of the male population, but 90% of my gals want it...I'll let you do the math. I've done this in my life a few times in my life in a major way, so I write this with empathy. Now, happily married, I can tell you that we're all able to rehabilitate!
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I have an extremely helpful exercise that I do with my female clients who tell me that they consistantly pick the wrong men. These are the same women who are obsessed with the instant attraction fantasy. Also called "Love at fist sight." Love at first sight can make you do absurd things...things you would tell your girlfriends never to do. So, I bring your girlfriends right into the exercise.
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This typically begins right after I have women make a list of internal qualities that they are seeking in a partner. After they ignore me, and tell me that he just HAS to be "hot" and "over six feet tall so I can at least wear 3 inch heels", I ask them to make a new list of all of their married girlfriends. From there, we begin the discussion on who's got great husbands, and who doesn't. If there's one thing we know about our girlfriends, it's whether or not we approve of their husband.
The thing that is consistantly interesting, is that we tend to use completely different criteria when judging someone elses marriage, than we do when we're picking our own guy. When these women are looking at their friend's marriages, they're often making judgments based on kindness, fun, stability, and responsibility. They also overwhelmingly are in favor of those men who are openly expressing their love for their wives. Yet, in the next breath, they'll tell me that they're turned off by the guys they date who are just "too into me" or "act like puppy dogs". I've yet to hear a woman tell me that she approves of a friend's husband because he is "tall" or "great looking".
So, next first date, look at the guy across the table from you from a different perspective, and see if your picker doesn't jump right back on track again! You'll be so glad you did. Happy dating!
