I've heard it said many times: "Women date men hoping to change them, and men date women hoping they'll never change."
There are all kinds of psychological reasons that we try to change the person we're dating. But I like to keep it simple: We do it because we are women. We attempt to shape and mold the man that we're dating into a more "fabulous to us" specimen.
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I have a new concept for the girls: Love them for who they are right now, love them for where they're at in life right now, and focus all of that intense brain power and energy on something that will be more productive for you. Instead of trying to motivate your man to be better, inspire him by being your own personal best.
I hear this complaint from men consistantly. They say, "Women are always trying to change me." Really, we're trying to nurture them, right? We're just giving them our best feminine touch. However, they see it as being conditionally loved. We see it as a fun new project.
So, what can you change? You can change yourself, and you can change your situation. And if your man asks for your help or advice with something, then go for it! My husband dresses and eats far better now than he did when we first met, but his ingrained habits and set of personal values has not changed. He is who he is, and that's why I love him. He inspires me to be kinder and more patient every day that we're together, but I will probably never stop being impatient and demanding. Amazingly, he's OK with this, because he claims he likes that I don't sit around and whine when something isn't working. I take action...immediately. Go figure.
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Whatever it is that is annoying you about your guy, look at why it's terrific. Thank him for being him and try to ignore the other side of it that drives you a little nuts.
Just don't start dating the party guy and ask him to stay home. Don't marry the guy who never wanted kids and then beg him to change his mind. If you met a man who was "in between jobs and living with Mom", don't expect that with your special brand of care he's going to become mega successful. Expect exactly what you see at face value when you meet. If that changes for the better, great...but don't ever expect it. I guarantee that will acceptance and kindness, you'll both be better people!