4. Do mirror your partners mood. Start off slow and test the waters to see what type of mood your partner is in. You don't want to go in fully loaded if your partner is on a different wave pattern. Try your best to match their mood by mirroring their tone and paying attention to their communication style.
5. Don't be a selfish sexter. Make sure that both parties are comfortable and are being satisfied with the level of participation. Just like live sex, there should be equal amounts of give and take. If not, your partner may feel cheated by participating in bad sext and is not likely to offer this perk to you again in the future.
6. Do focus on the details. Be descriptive; from soft and sensual to wild and just plain freaky, you have to make sure you are creating a hot scenario. The person on the other end needs to be engaged so make sure you don't skim on the details. Keep them turned on by asking questions, for example: "How does it feel?" or "Tell me what makes you feel good?" Pay attention his or her wants and needs as this information can also be used to maximize the live experience.
7. Don't drink and sext. One of my best friends decided to send a drunken sext after a wild night out on the town. To both of our surprise, he accidently sent a picture of his penis to me. The next morning I had to let him know that I had seen more of him than I ever needed to see in my whole life and it was quite embarrassing for the both of us. Just imagine if it he had accidently sent it to his boss or his mom?
Overall, just don't sext unless you are sober because there is just too much potential for you to mess up something that could be really great. Also, if the message does reach its intended recipient, you may say the wrong thing and you don't want to run the risk of turning your partner off or look like you are begging for sex.
8. Don't use sexting as a substitute for the real thing. Sexting can be addictive, especially for someone who may not have done it before. It provides an adrenaline rush and can possibly change the dynamic of your sexual relationship. It can become all about the rush of doing something naughty and take the focus off of the intimacy of the activity. Make sure to create a healthy balance between the different types of sex you have and keep the passion and excitement going.
Besides being a YourTango Dating Expert, J. Cameron Gantt is the Head Dating Coach at Insti(Gay)tor, a Chicago-based GLBT matchmaking agency. Need advice? Contact him directy via YourTango.com/experts or visit www.instigaytor.com for more info.