5 Conversations You Should Not Have On The First Date

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5 Conversations You Should Not Have On The First Date
Saying the wrong things can turn your date off and sabotage your chances of finding Mr. Right.

If you are dating someone, your goal should be getting to know this person with the intention of forging a new relationship. If you are sincere about starting over, you really won’t have that opportunity if you have painted a less that attractive picture of your history. Of course if the question comes up, I would advise you to give a brief summary and don’t go off on a maniacal tangent of negativity that makes you look like a “bag lady”. Keep it short and sweet. “It just didn’t work out”

3. Sexual History or Preferences

Your date does not need to know the freaky highlights of your sexual conquests. He doesn’t need to know your “sex number”. He also doesn’t need to know the size of your package and what you can do with it. Having this discussion so early in the dating process sets up a sexual expectation and once that expectation is set, chances are that this is all that the relationship will be. If you are looking for a relationship that is driven by sex, then you should probably stay single and screw whoever the hell you want. If you are looking for a fulfilling relationship that is built on multiple aspects, you should keep this info to yourself. Besides… Showing is way better than telling.

4. Money

DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT discuss money. How much you make, your spending habits, any of it. If you have a lot of money in the bank, that’s cool. It’s a personal accomplishment and it’s ok to be proud of it but keep it to yourself. It sets up expectations that you may not want to rule your potential relationship. It may also alienate your date if he doesn’t measure up financially. The only time money should be a discussion is if/when it becomes a responsibility that you share. Rule of thumb: on your first 3 dates you should expect to go Dutch.

PS. If your date asks you about money… You may want to run for the hills. It’s just better to steer clear of a potentially disastrous situation.


5. Future of a Relationship

Have you ever been on a date and the guy has pretty much mapped out your future together? I went on a date a few months ago and I was having a great time…until he started discussing my future as if we were a couple. This was only our second date and I really couldn’t believe how much detail this guy had put into this fantasy of his. How awkward is it to have someone  you barely know talk about moving in together, being a power couple and raising kids before you finish your appetizers?

We all have daydreaming sessions and it’s ok to think about a potential future with someone but you need to keep that to yourself. Nothing says “crazy control freak” more than a person, you don’t really know, telling you how your relationship is going to pan out before you have had the opportunity to consider the idea for yourself. Nobody wants to feel pressured or forced into any situation, especially a relationship. Just take things day by day and let things develop naturally. If and when you become an exclusive couple, you can work together in order to develop those relationship goals.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

J. Cameron Gantt

Dating Coach

J. Cameron Gantt is a Certified Life Coach and Matchmaker for Insti(Gay)tor, The Exclusively Gay Matchmaking Agency. He is a featured contributor for various dating and relationship websites offering expert advice on GLBT dating and relationships.
 

Connect with J. Cameron at www.instigaytor.com and receive his FREE E-Gude “3 Secrets To Attract More Dates!”

 


 

Location: Chicago, IL
Credentials: CPC
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