Are You Sabotaging Your Own Dating Life?


Are You Sabotaging Your Own Dating Life? [EXPERT]
You never know who you're missing out on meeting because of your list.
Ditching that list of deal-breakers could help reboot your love life.

Every now and then I like to play a game with my clients called “Rapid Fire” where I encourage them to ask me anything on any topic. I reply without using my filter and no subject is off limits. I make it a point to give a disclaimer that not everything that comes out of my mouth will be polite as the purpose of this game is to deliver a reality check in areas where it's needed.

Recently, I met with a few friends for happy hour and one of them thought it would be a good idea to play. We ran through every topic imaginable: dating, sex, lies, exes, porn… the usual guy stuff. After a few rounds of questions and drinks, one of my friends went into a rant about the qualities he wants in a partner. He followed up his rant asking "Is that too much to ask for?" Before I could stop myself, I yelled "HELL YEAH!" (Ok...really I said a lot more curse words to emphasize, but you get the idea.)

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His list of qualifications included everything from height, weight, clothing, income, career and even race. Just thinking about it is exhausting for me and it's not even my list. Not only are some of the things on this list just ridiculous, but it's limiting, discriminatory and the combination sets an unrealistic expectation. It wasn't a list for a potential mate, it was more of a product description. Can A Single Gay Father Find Love?

Here's my issue: I hear singles complain about the hardships of dating and being lonely. They will blame everybody else for not living up to their expectations, but the reality is that they have closed themselves off to many possibilities by failing to be flexible with their preferences. Newsflash! This is the type of B.S that will keep you single!

More from YourTango: Why Are You Single?

I am not saying that you should accept anything and everything that comes your way — we all have preferences and deal breakers. However, when you let things like height, career and race get in the way of the getting to know someone and seeing if there is chemistry, you probably need to go back to the drawing board and think about why you consider those qualities to be non-negotiable. 5 Tips To Prevent Dating Burnout

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

J. Cameron Gantt

Dating Coach

J. Cameron Gantt is a Certified Life Coach and Matchmaker for Insti(Gay)tor, The Exclusively Gay Matchmaking Agency. He is a featured contributor for various dating and relationship websites offering expert advice on GLBT dating and relationships.

Connect with J. Cameron at and receive his FREE E-Gude “3 Secrets To Attract More Dates!”



Location: Chicago, IL
Credentials: CPC
Other Articles/News by J. Cameron Gantt:

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