I love being a matchmaker. Not many people have the opportunity to pick men's brains and understand what makes them tick. Learning what they want, need, fear and working with them to help them find something that every human being wants … companionship is rewarding.
About a week ago I had the opportunity to meet Mark, a 32-year-old nursing student who works third shift for a private car service to make ends meet. As we cruised down Lakeshore Drive, he asked me what I did for a living and from there, the consultation began. We started to talk about his dating life and how it was non-existent. Of course, I couldn't resist asking, "Why the hell are you single?" He was handsome, has great manners and genuinely seemed like he wanted something long-term. What was the dilemma that was keeping him single? He was so reluctant to tell me why but eventually, he laid it all out on the table. Mark is a openly gay man and the proud father of a 17-year-old.
There was an awkward five second pause before he looked me dead in the eye and said "It's hopeless huh?" 5 Tips To Prevent Dating Burnout
Let me be clear and say that my shock did not come from the fact that he is a single gay father. I actually was caught off guard because mentally, I had prepared myself for a worst case scenario where he would tell me some deep dark secret that would place him in my "creepo" file. When that bomb didn't explode, I was a bit stunned that this was the big thing that is keeping this man single.
This isn't the first time I have had this conversation regarding gay men with children. I have worked with a few clients that have children. I also have a few close friends who happen to be fathers and they all seem to share the same harsh idea that gay men do not want the responsibility of another man's kids.
Let's be honest here. Some guys aren't really looking for something long-term. Others may be interested, but are intimidated by the idea that this is going to be a package deal. They shy away from it because they have probably never had to deal with dating a father and his child and they don't know exactly how to approach it.
It can get complicated, but as I told Mark, it's not a hopeless situation. There are plenty of gay men out there who are open to the idea of getting to know you and your child. It all depends on how you approach and introduce the children into the relationship.
Here are some tips on dating for single gay parents.
1. Accept Your Truth and Move Forward
You have children and they are your priority. That is not going to change. It takes a special kind of man to want to be involved in this type of relationship model. He is going to need to be mature, responsible, have an open mind, a loving heart and goals that are complimentary to your own. It may be a hard journey, but it's not an impossible one. Accept the fact that eventually, you want to find a mate that can share this life with you and stay positive that the right guy is out there.
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