1. Communicate – You have to tell him how you feel. Men are not mind readers and often do not realize that what they are doing is damaging the relationship. Get your point across, but do it in a respectful and calm manner. Be careful to choose your words wisely as this is a very sensitive situation and you don’t want to seem like you are giving him an ultimatum to choose. I guarantee if you show anger and start throwing around nasty comments, he will rebel and you will lose him.
2. Set boundaries - Encourage him into setting some boundaries and see if he makes an effort. Make sure those boundaries are clear and concise. Be realistic and fair but do not compromise your needs. Don’t expect things to change overnight as this is a process. I would even go as far as to involve a psychotherapist as a mediator to help facilitate the changes that need to be made.
3. Don’t take it upon yourself to speak to the mother - Respect the fact that this is a personal issue that needs to be resolved between the two. If boundaries are going to be set, it needs to be communicated by your guy to his mother. No exceptions.
4. Prepare to move on - You definitely want to prepare yourself mentally as this is not going to be an easy battle. Keep in mind, some momma’s boys are perfectly fine knowing that at the end of the day, they can always run home to mommy. You need to be prepared to let him go and move on if things do not change.
Be fair but do not settle for less than you deserve. Don’t nag him and don’t make empty threats expecting things to change on its’ own. Empower yourself to make the decision that if things do not change, then you will leave. There are plenty of good momma’s boys out there, with fewer issues, who will give you the love and respect that you are looking for.
Besides being a YourTango Dating Expert, J. Cameron Gantt is the Head Dating Coach at Insti(Gay)tor, a Chicago-based GLBT matchmaking agency. Need advice? Contact him directly via YourTango.com/experts or visit www.instigaytor.com for more info.