Whatever it is that has you on the defense or afraid to pursue dating, you have to let it go. That goes double if your past relationships were actually quite exceptional. None of your dates will want to hear how your ex was the best you ever had because it sets up an idea that your date will constant be compared and competing against someone who should not be relevant. Live in the now and leave the past where it belongs. 5 Conversations You Should Not Have On The First Date [EXPERT]
4. Sex Without Investment
When it comes to sex, I stick by the saying “fools rush in”. I always advise giving it a month, 3 weeks at minimum before you give away the goods.
I mean sure, you can give it up on the first date, but I really want you to be honest and ask yourself how well that has worked out for you in the past? If you are one of the lucky ones, it may have worked and you may have been able to score something long-term. Not everyone can be so lucky and most times, you will just end up getting played out of your “P.” (Insert the “P” word that speaks to you)
If you are looking for something long-term, allow some time for both you and your date to invest in the relationship before jumping in the sack. This way, there is some sort of connection other than sex that will keep you entertained with each other.
5. Not Playing The Field
Dating is a numbers game. The more people you meet and connect with, the better your options will be. I always suggest dating 3-5 people at one time because this will give you the exposure you need to really see who’s out there and figure out where you land on the compatibility scale.
This is also a huge bonus because once you make a decision to get “exclusive” with a date, you will be more confident in your decision because you will have had the opportunity to play the field.
6. Friends, Family and Facebook
This is where I tell my girls and my gays to follow the straight man’s lead. Stop introducing your friends to your date so early in the process. When a straight man dates, he rarely mentions his dates to his friends until it becomes somewhat serious.
He doesn’t post on Facebook about his dates and most times, he won’t even connect with her on social media until he feels like it. There is a reason for this: He doesn’t want or need anyone else interfering in his love-life. Dating is hard enough but when you add opinions of external participants, it can get even more complicated.
Most of your friends mean well but sometimes, we can tell them too many details and they end up either sharing too much of your business or getting too involved in your relationship. You should make it a point to value and respect you and your date’s privacy and keep some things to yourself. If things become serious, then you start thinking about introducing them to friends and family.
Besides being a YourTango Dating Expert, J. Cameron Gantt is the Head Dating Coach at Insti(Gay)tor, a Chicago-based GLBT matchmaking agency. Download his FREE E-Guide “3 Secrets To Attract More Dates” or contact him directly for a FREE 60 minute consultation.