Five Horrible Kisses
A kiss is one of the most intimate things you can do. Many men have won many ladies with a good kiss. Even Disney knows you can live happily-ever-after, if the right man kisses the right woman in just the right way.
Many men (and some women) view kissing as a prelude to sex, rather than the ushering of deeper connection, be it emotional, spiritual, or sexual. Humans instinctively know kissing is intimate,that’s why almost every romantic movie culminates and consummates with one amazing kiss.
Even as a teenager, how many of us spent time practicing our first kiss, on pillows or dolls? Some of us even enlisted our teenage friends to help us in this endeavor as a practice partner or instructor. Yet, when it comes to relationships, kissing isn’t something we see in our day-to-day lives all that often and yet it can be one of the most powerful ways to convey emotion to our lovers. Think about it, what will have you think about your lover more; that perfunctory peck, OR a lasting, lingering, luscious kiss.
Maybe the problem isn’t so much that we don’t want to kiss it’s that we don’t know how. I can’t tell you how many women confess their longing for a man that knows how to kiss, how to ignite the passion in her. Kisses call forth a wealth of emotion. Whether it’s the right kiss or the wrong kiss - both are equally powerful but in very different ways.
The wrong kiss has the particular flavor of disappointment, sometimes even annoyance, resentment, and anger. Every woman (and man too) wants a kiss to go right. And yet, so many kisses just go horribly wrong! And for women, nothing destroys the possibility of happily-ever-after faster that a bad kiss! Hell, in some cases it destroys the possibility of great “hook-up”, especially since its incredibly hard to make a come back after a bad kiss.
So in an effort to help our men out, I’ve listed the top 5 worst types of kisses a woman can receive – in my humble opinion. And since kisses allow women to experience a wealth of emotion, which can lead you to the promise land or the fifth circle of hell as a man, I’ve also noted the emotions and thoughts to really drive home the point.
The Sloppy Kisser – This guy engulfs your entire mouth with his. His kisses are juicy. His tongue sweeps around the entire rim of your mouth, under your nose, your cheeks, and your chin. If his tongue makes it inside your mouth it’s loaded with saliva. All the while he cups your head trying to force your face more deeply into his mouth.
Dominant emotion: Disgust
Followed by: ExtremeTurn Off
Thought: “Eeewww” . . . followed by,“Can I have a tissue?”
The Dry Kisser –His kisses are tight lipped. His lips will be slightly chapped, and very little moisture is present during the kiss. He may or may not use his tongue. If he doesn’t use his tongue, you may feel darting against your lips as if he’s undecided or worse, thinks this is what French kissing is all about. It's remenicent of 7th grade. He will hold you tentatively about the shoulders, and you won’t be sure if he’s pushing you away or trying to hold you, but his grip will be tight.
Dominant emotion: Irritation
Followed by: Anger
Thought: “Really dude? What exactly is it you are trying to do?”
The Forceful Kisser – This guy gives hard kisses, lots of pressure. He will always kiss you from above. He needs the leverage to dominate the kiss. When the kiss is over your jaw hurts and your lips feel chapped from the constant pressure and rubbing against his. He rarely comes up for air. His tongue duels with yours fighting for control and you always lose. He is concentrating really intensely on the kiss; it’s like he’s kissing himself rather you.
Dominant emotion: Urge to run
Followed by: Pain and soreness of the jaw
Thought: “He’s probably a premie.”
The Stingy Kisser – This guy may actually be a good kisser, but you can’t tell. He rarely kisses you and when he does kiss you, it doesn’t last long. He ONLY kisses when he wants sex and not during the act only the first 3 minutes of foreplay. He’s kisses are brief, and purposeful. They convey sexual desire and little else. You are always left wanting more, not even sure if you liked the kiss or not. Oh and he thinks his kisses get you hot, and they kind of do . . . which is why he only does it, when he wants to do “it”.
Dominant emotion: Longing
Followed by: Frustration
Thought: “Selfish bastard.”
The Good Kisser with Bad Breath – This is the worst kind of kisser. He’s the one you want. He’s the one you could kiss forever. He’s the guy you can’t wait kiss. And then you get up close and personal, and smell the kiss before you experience it. You try to make it work; maybe you’ll get desensitized to the smell; or maybe if you kiss long enough it will neutralize the scent. But it doesn’t work. So you gracefully call an end to the kissing. You try again, and for some reason, it’s still a problem.You may even ignore it, kissing only when you need too hoping that one time he will not smell like he just ate a Whopper with everything. You even try the gum/breath-mint-after-diner-and-offering-him-a-piece technique. He refuses. Oh, and he thinks it’s your breath that’s bad.
Dominant emotion: Confusion
Followed by: Longing, frustration, and irritation
Thought: “I don’t think I can’t take much more of this.”
Men, if you see your moves, style, or“technique” in any one of these kisses, consider making a few adjustments. To some extent kissing is very subjective and there may actually be a woman outthere who really enjoys a “sloppy” or “forceful” kiss. And, if the feedback you’ve gotten from either being kissed or not being kissed connects for you in some way, take it to heart. A good kiss, can actually keep you out of the friend zone and guarantee you a spot in love zone. No kidding!
Ladies, help a brotha out! Pass this article along to all the men you know. You never know which man will be the next to kiss you. If every woman shared this with every man she knew, there would be a lot more kissing, a lot more connection, a lot more intimacy, and a helluva a lot more satisfied ladies and lovers out there!