1-Know what you want. Some women will say they want a commitment, and deep down they are actually afraid. Some women may not date at all and yet claim to be seeking a mate; some have FWB (Friends with Benefits) relationships that is masked as a relationship with possibility, when really it's a glorified booty call; some have a series of “hook-ups” or one-night-stands (ONS) afraid to put real effort into a relationship for fear of being hurt; and some have other variations that meet their immediate need but do not fulfill their longing for a true partnership.
Either way, you are investing time and energy into something that does not fulfill you; something that you DON"T WANT. Even if you are not dating, you are investing time and energy into “not dating.”
More from YourTango: Day 20: So What's Vitality Got to Do With Dating
Now. maybe - just maybe, not dating, or having a FWB/ONS, or some other relationship status is actually right for you, right now. The clearer you are about what you want, the easier it is to line up your actions, and the better your results. Complaining about not having a committed relationship and spending every Saturday night alone or with Johnny-come-lately will NOT get you the relationship you want. Know what you want and accept nothing less than that that.
More from YourTango: Day 19: I Call a Do Over
2-Own your issues and barriers. If you know you have daddy-issues, divorce-issues, desertion (abandonment) ssues, or debasemen t(abuse) issues with men – what I call the “D-Continuum” then there are barriers. Pretending there aren’t doesn’t make them go away. There isn’t a man out there who hasn’t encountered a woman with one of these issues and complains he has to make up for some other man’s faults. It’s not inviting. Sure, there are a few men that love rescuing a woman. But kings want queens. And most men want to be with and appreciate a woman, not try to overcome her past. If you are coming to the proverbial dating table and unpacking your luggage, you are not likely to attract or retain a mate for very long. Some ladies have issues so deep they are actually repelling men. I’ve actually heard men say “As soon as she spoke, I could feel and hear how much she hated men.” Deal with your stuff! Own your stuff! You can’t be in a healthy committed relationship, unless you are committed to good emotional health and well-being for yourself.