Women often ask me “Why do I keep attracting the wrong kind of men?” In fact the seminar I deliver called “Attracting the Man You REALLY Want," (hosted by Live Authentic DC) is often sold out! I am often flooded with questions like:
·Where do I meet good men?
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·What do I need to do to get a man to commit?
·Are all men liars and cheaters and commitment-phobes?
All these questions are asked in a way that has the problem with men exist outside of themselves, or require a quick fix, something they can do – like if you wear the right perfume, high heels, and skirt, at a Thursday night happy hour, and smile in a coquettish way, a “good man” who “wants to commit” will show up, make you happy, and you will ride off into the sunset together.
All men, like all women, are good men. Men have barriers to greatness as do women. They have things they are looking for in a woman, and we women, have things we are looking for in a man. There’s no secret cologne they wear that has us all wanting to marry them. What men do that is very different from women is they know themselves and what they want pretty well. A man will tell you what he wants. What we seldom do is take them at their word. We hang on thinking we can change their mind, or try to figure out what's wrong and fix it, or try to find the right perfume and tight skirt combination that will make him say any version of "I want you," or "I do."
Men do one thing that is a bit challenging for women. Men know what they want. If they don't want a committment they generally say so or "act" so. Most women - pretty much at the 1st or 2nd encounter with a man - know what the man is about in terms of what he wants from her. They aren't going to marry a woman or committ to a woman who doesn't fulfill their needs - no matter how great her cooking or how hot the sex. Men do not accept less than they want when it comes to relationships. And if the relationship doesn't meet their needs, they get out.
We women need a bit more practice at this. We need to be a bit more self-honoring so we can get the things we want the most in dating, in the relationship, and in the bedroom.
That’s why “men love bitches” i.e. a Babe In-Total-Control-of Herself (from Sheri Argrov’s book Why Men Love Bitches). She knows what she wants and accepts nothing less. AND men respect her for it. And the man that doesn’t, isn’t a man you want to be with.
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So the questions you need to ask yourself are not, “Where do I meet good men?” --You can meet good men anywhere – at the grocery store, a party, a gallery opening, a gas station, coffee shop, book store, online, - anywhere!
It's not, "What do I need to "do" to get a man to committ? --"There is nothing to "do". Men are either inspired to committ to a woman, or they aren't.