Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Reclaiming Your Vitality - The Journey


Day 10 - I am not Sure I Can Do This . . .

Today was the first day I actually am wondering if I can do this.  Today the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. 

I went to Zumba tonight.  It's been a while since I've taken a class - maybe a month or so.  I'd done Jillian Michael's Body Revolution last week, so I felt like I could handle it.  I couldn't.  It wasn't the pace or that the exercises were particularly difficult.  In fact I felt like the instructor actually toned it down a bit tonight.  And yet I have never felt more awkward and out of shape in my life.

it was like in my mind I could see myself and feel myself doing these moves, having fun and enjoying it.  And that's not what was happening.  I was tripping, off beat, and just plain awkward.  Don't get me wrong, I know sometime exercise can be awkward.  You've got to learn the moves, the timing and your muscles will retain the memory over time.  But tonight - tonight was something out of a romantic comedy. I was so awkward, that no matter how hard I tried I just felt worse.  My core was weak, my thighs were weak, my gluts were weak.  It felt like my strength was leaving my body.  The more I tried to tighten my form, the more awkward I felt.

And the worst thing of all, my stomach.  It was like an entirely different body part that wasn't connected to me.  Like a back pack I kept having to move around because it was in the way.  Not only that, I was in pain.  Not muscular pain, but pain from the inside out, feeling nauseated, or bloated and crampy.  I can't even describe the feeling other than full and sick.

Today was the first day I actually thought there might be something wrong; I mean really wrong with me that can't be remedied by extreme self care.  Today, I wondered if I shouldn't get more professional help or stick to my plan, my 30 day trial.  Today, I felt scared.  Today I felt sad.  Today, I felt defeated.

I am hoping that tomorrow will be better.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.


Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.

Explore YourTango