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He's Had An Affair


He's Had An Affair
Should I stay...or should I go?!
Choosing whether to stay or go can be one of the hardest challenges if your partner cheats.

Most women have been in a relationship where there has been an infidelity. Even women you think have it all. Celebreties like Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry and Sandra Bullock have had relationships where the men who professed to love, cherish, and forsake all others, accidentally slipped and fell into a vagina.

The consensus to this as to why men cheat, generally speaking is "because they can." I was listening to a comedic monologue and the comedian said something I found both curious and sad.

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"A man is only as faithful as his options." 

—Chris Rock

Now I don’t think all men, "can’t keep it in their pants." But like crime, infidelity is on the rise. No pun intended. Like crime, there are more opportunities to commit adultery, than ever before. And, like crime no threat of "punishment" or "abandonment" will deter a man who really has cheating in his heart. With the internet, dating sites, hookup sites and swapping sites, you can cheat easily. You can even cheat around the world if you choose. You can have a woman in every time zone if you’ve got a lot of time on your hands, and great "broad" band—ok that time the pun was intended. There are even sites dedicated to helping people have affairs.

Most men don’t even have to venture on to the internet, they find infidelity waiting for them at the office, the gym, or across the street at a neighbors. As we all know, what the mind focuses on, it will attract. If a man is looking for an extra-marital affair, chances are he won’t have to go far to find it. And unfortunately, the greater the "catch" your husband is, the more "options" he has.

So what do you do when a man has cheated? 

Remember that women, YOU have to stand for yourself, for commitment, for faithfulness and family solidarity.

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any." 

Alice Walker

One of the things that does not get discussed is the fact that men are cheating and women seem more interested in vacillating between playing victim or punisher. Neither role is very empowering or brings about healing for yourself, your husband, your relationship, or your family.

I am not saying being cheated on is not devastating. I have experienced infidelity and its impact as a child, a teen and an adult. It is one of the more painful types of "betrayal" there is in a relationship. It seemingly attacks the heart and the spirit in one lethal blow. Leaving you reeling and winded wondering where did this come from and how do I recover. Yeah, I get it.

More from YourTango: 7 Reasons Why We Get Married

Many woman move into being the victim, paralyzed by what happened and unsure of what to do next.  Others come out kicking, screaming, fighting, punishing the man and ultimately the family witnessing her behavior. Keep Reading...

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