So while I am highly motivated and doing well, part of me wants to just stop. I mean stop paying attention, stop being concerned, stop working out, stop eating healthy . . . part of me wants to just be.
And ultimately I think I will be able to just be. That's the goal any way - to get to the point where there's no doing or trying, just being. I can be vital because I am vital. I feel it from pinky toe to crown.
I didn't get to be my age, weight, height, size, over night; and I won't change all those things over night either.
But my inner 4 year old wants to have it all right now. I want to be energetic, beautiful, sexy, right this second. I don't want to wait. I don't want to work. I want to press enter and have it miraculously show up!
And it's not that I want to quit. I just want to start enjoying the rewards right now. I can totally relate to my daughter about now. I just want it now.
And it's funny, when you are telling your child or a child or a co-worker from Gen-Y, about the evils of instant gratification, it makes sense; until it's something you want!
I am not going to try and deny it or fight it. I am going to throw my tantrum and move on with my program. And in fact the energy from the tantrum might be just enough to get me to do a few push up, sit ups, an extra meditation before bed. So I'll use it those feelings of frustration to support my end game, just like I've used all the other feelings.
I know some of you may think "Wow, she's a coach, if she feels all these things I'm a lost cause." Or worse, "I thought coaches didn't have those kinds of feelings." Coaches are people too. We have the same feelings you do. The difference is what we do with them.
I don't know about you . . . but I intend to use every emotion I experience to propel me to the next level of my evolution. Good, bad, or neutral, it can be use for my growth. It can further my spirits journey.
Ultimately, we are all here to learn, to grow, evolve into our highest selves. And yes I would LOVE to "get there" and "be done," so I can finally retire on a beach in Maui sipping strawberry daiquiris ogling the pool boy while living out my fantasies of being hot cougar mom - ha! And seriously, vitality is a lifestyle not a fantasy. It is acquired, one day at a time.
I know one day, I'll wake up and I'll be there, be radiant, be fully me. Simple. Beautiful. Elegant. In the mean time, I will let my inner 4 year old out to play at the gym, and playing chef in the kitchen, and playing dancing with the stars at the salsa rooms. And before you know it, she'll be so busy and having such a good time, she will forget all about the tantrums and concentrate of the feeling of enjoying this moment, this life. And suddenly, we'll both look up and 'be there" already.