Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

What's on Your Mind?

What's on Your Mind?

Boomer women are prone to remembering the good and the bad from all of their life. They use past experiences to gauge the response and behavior to new information and actions. Boomers can almost always look back into their memory and find a correlation for the present. The same old song; nothing new under the sun.

Are you paying attention to your self talk? Would you allow others to talk to you the way you talk to yourself and still call them ‘friend’? Being your own best friend begins with your self talk. Speaking loving, gentle and kind words to yourself is the beginning of changing your attitudes and behaviors.

Remember the ‘good ole days’ when you played your favorite 45 record. You played it over and over and over and sang and danced to it until the grooves were worn out. You imagined the great times you would have while listening to the record with your favorite person.

It’s not unusual to do the same with your self talk; except now you’re playing the negatives over and over and over in your mind until the groove is so deeply set that it takes almost an act of Congress to change! Well not really, but you get the picture. You change your self talk just as you would if someone bumped your record player and scratched your favorite 45. A scratched 45 was no longer useful so you threw it away and bought another.

Are you ready to change your mental grooves by buying another way of thinking? “Buying” another way of thinking requires spending time really listening to your self talk, acknowledging what you’re saying and deciding to throw out the negatives and replace with a positive. You’ve lived long enough to know you are successful, creative, beautiful, lovable and capable. You can reprogram your thinking and self talk by using your accomplishments to fill the grooves. You can choose to sing a NEW tune!

So what will you do now when find yourself in the negative self talk groove? One way to cancel the thought is to stop for a minute and say, “that used to be me, I’m now positive, loving and capable.” Can you think of other ways to focus on the positive? It’s up to you to change your thoughts to change your life!


Expert advice

If you can recognize this pattern, you can handle your favorite narcissist more effectively.
Are you still single and you don't why?
You constantly feel like you're walking on eggshells.