Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Forgiveness: The Power It Has Over Our Happiness

Happy Lady

Forgiveness may be holding you back from having a richer, fuller, healthier and happier life!

Forgiveness is the express pathway to freedom. The quality of your life is dependent upon the depth and authenticity of the forgiveness that you’re able to extend.

Why Forgive?

We have all been hurt by someone, or other in the past or even in the present. But how we respond to it will determine our happiness and our health. Not letting go has a huge impact on our lives. It prevents us from living a fulfilled life by reducing our capacity to love and be loved. By seeking revenge, as Buddha said “holding to anger or resentment is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.” It is so fundamental that we so often for forget how it impacts us. Often the other person does not know that they have impacted you. They may have said or done some thing that impacted your life deeply, but to them was an insignificant act or omission. But at the end of the day, we are left with our selves and our emotions.

Here is my Forgiveness test:

Think of someone who has wronged you. If you feel any un-empowering emotion, then you have not forgiven them. But if you feel an empowering emotion, then you have forgiven them.

Forgiveness Explained:

Forgiveness is mindset and heartfelt. ­­It is not actually a process but an act, but we have to go through the process for it to become an act. It is not about forgetting or letting the other person win, but rather a release that has an immediate impact physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Not being able to forgive impacts the quality of our lives in many ways. By holding on, reducing our ability to trust or understand others and puts up a defensive wall around us. This impacts our relationships and our business acumen too. We carry it with us wherever we go.

Where does forgiveness impact our lives?

By not being able or willing to forgive:

You may be constantly angry, upset, or bitter.
You may be stressed, depressed, or generally unhappy.
You may feel tired.
You may not trust others and miss opportunities in your personal, and financial life.
You may become ill physically and/or mentally.
It may impact your ability to love and be loved.
It may impact your ability to give.
It may impact your ability to be grateful.
It may impact your ability to be present and therefore for you to enjoy your life in the moment.
It will impact your personal relationships and much, much more.

How do I forgive?

 As we said earlier, Forgiveness is not actually a process but an act, but we have to go through the process for it to become an act. As human beings we are great story tellers. When something happens in our lives, we make a story around and then we embellish our story. After a while that story becomes nothing like our reality, but that story becomes our reality.

Steps to Forgiveness:

  1. Write down the name of the person who wronged or hurt you.
  2. Write down what they did in great detail, and the story that you have around it. Write down what ACTUALLY happened, not what you think happened.
  3. In great detail write where this has impacted your life spiritually, mentally, physically, financially, emotionally, generally in your relationships, and your overall happiness.
  4. Make it as painful and detailed as possible.
  5. Read this back.
  6. Read this back, but with great anger.
  7. Do you now realize how much this is hurting you?
  8. What would happen of you could let this go? Where would it impact your life?
  9. You now have a choice. If you are smart, you would let go, but you do not have to forget. You would win. Your family would win. Your business would win. Your life would win. You have to make that decision to do so, but once you resolve to do so, it is that easy. It’s all up to you, and it has always been so. You will get to live a richer, fuller, happier life. You could have this today.

For more thoughts and guidance on forgiveness, read Forgiveness Is The Pathway To Happiness.

Anil works with successful individuals and companies to create rapid and lasting change through methodologies he has developed. Anil is one of the most powerful forgiveness experts in the world. He has been featured on Sky TV, Fox TV, many stages and twice at Harvard as well as being author of best seller, Immediate Happiness. He travels all over the world and coaches some of the richest, smartest, famous and athletic people on the planet.  He gets to the heart of the matter and leaves people living a richer, fuller, happier, healthier and abundant life whereby they get to live their lives at a much higher level. To discover how happy you really are please collect your happiness score here.


Explore YourTango