Breakup Advice: How To Get Over Your Ex

By , ,

woman moving out boxes after breakup
YourTango Experts provide guidance on how to let go of an ex after a breakup.

To become more aware, Imago has developed a ritual called "The Goodbye Process." To practice this exercise at home, ask a friend to join you in the ritual—not your current partner, or ex. Your friend plays the role of your ex and for a few moments, asks you the question: "What was it like being in a relationship with me?"

During the Goodbye Process, you speak about both positive and negative experiences. After each one you say goodbye to them, effectively saying goodbye to the pain, hope and attachment to that event.


As you complete the exercise, one real benefit comes from acknowledging times when you reacted defensively to your ex, so that you become more aware of the things a current partner might do to trigger the same reaction. Imagine being able to say goodbye to that, too!

Harville Hendrix, Imago Relationships

However you want to spin it, it is imperative to end all contact upon a break up. Why?

Because it's the only way to achieve what you desire—LOVE! Hanging on emotionally, physically, and energetically keeps you stuck.

If your partner initiated the break up, they no longer desire to be with you, and you require time to heal. If you initiated, then it does more harm attempting to be their "friend." Every time there is contact it prolongs the pain and keeps hope alive. Should You Give Your Ex A Second Chance?

To let go of love, you have to let go of the "lie of love," which says:

  • That love exists only with that person.
  • That you will never feel this way again.

You must remember that love only exists with another because it exists within us. A clean break includes deleting:

  • Phone numbers
  • Social media connections
  • Birthday reminders
  • All photos (physical and digital)

And most importantly—MOURNING.

The end of a relationship is a loss and feeling the grief is healthy for you. We enter into a relationship with hope, and hope is the last thing to go. Identify where you are holding on to hope (the lie) and transform that vision. Disconnect energetically from your ex by using this process:

Imagine them in the room with you. Notice where on your body you feel energetically connected (your heart, throat, hands, groin, etc). Imagine there are ropes connecting you to them. Imagine a powerful white light lowers down over you and cuts through those ropes, severing them and creating a force field around you.

Ask yourself, "What did I receive from being connected to that person?" Make a list—love, confidence, security, etc. Widen that force field to allow another person inside. Imagine a future version of yourself that has all of those qualities. Now, connect energetically to that future version of yourself, by imagining those ropes now connect the two of you.

Feel yourself receiving those qualities from the future you. Imagine being that future version of you who embodies all those qualities. Magnetically pull the future you inside of you. Dismiss your ex from the room. Release them for the highest good.

Reclaim your love for yourself.

Orna & Matthew Walters, Dating/Life Coaches

Article contributed by

Imago Relationships


Imago Relationships International helps couples have the conversations they need to change their lives together.  We've been saving relationships for 30 years, ever since our co-founder Harville Hendrix, PhD wrote the best-seller "Getting The Love You Want".

Today you can find an Imago weekend workshop in 25 countries, or get help from over 1200 Certified Imago therapists.  We give you the communication skills and understanding you need to forge a deeper and more loving connection.

Try our some free relationship help online at

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: MA
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support

Dr. Pat Love


Pat Love, Ed.D.

Relationship Consultant and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist



Phone: 512-892-5474

Location: Austin, TX
Credentials: EdD, LMFT, LPC
Website: Website
Advanced Member

Orna And Matthew Walters

Dating Coach

Creating Love On Purpose…not just by accident!

We are Relationship Coaches for Singles who desire LOVE!

Everything in life worth having takes effort. When it comes to matters of the heart we all seem to buy into the idea that it will happen by magic. The truth is that your internal guidance system will continue to create the same dysfunctional relationships over and over again . . . until we make the effort to change our story!

You don't have to settle for just enough! You can have it all! And we are here to show you how.

Watch our video: "Why Smart Women Stay Single"

and receive Love Notes Weekly, the Creating Love On Purpose Newsletter

- voted one of the 10 Best Love Blogs by Dating Advice dot com. 


“Focus On Love – Change Your Life!”

Orna and Matthew Walters, C.Ht.


Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT, Other
Other Articles/News by Imago Relationships, Dr. Pat Love, Orna and Matthew Walters:

Schwarzenegger, Divorce, And An Old Joke About Directions


The break-up between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver reached such epic proportions of tragedy this week, that I prefer to start this post with a joke. I was visiting Washington, DC , and got horribly lost. I asked a passer-by directions to the White House. He looked me up and down and finally said "Well, I wouldn't start from ... Read more

How Soon Should I Talk To My Kids About Sex?


Is there a perfect time to talk to your kids about sex? How do you know if you're getting through to them when they're already speaking to friends? YourTango Expert, Counselor and Therapist, Pat Love, has the answers in a new video for YourTango. She describes what your conversation should be centered around and gives tips for making sure your ... Read more

Don't Trip Over Love, Plan For It


If you are single and looking for love, it is likely that you have a belief that is blocking you from finding that great relationship you desire. We call this belief, "The Myth of Accidental Love." The Myth of Accidental Love is something that we are introduced to at a very young age (usually in a Disney movie), and it shows up in all parts of our ... Read more
Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular