10 Ways To Help Your Kids Cope With Your Divorce


10 Ways To Help Your Kids Cope With Your Divorce [EXPERT]
When you and your spouse split, you and your kids must work together.

Divorce is not easy for anyone, and it can be especially difficult for children. Kids experience the acute scrambling of their world, while their parents wrestle with their complex emotions. With both parents in distress, or one parent suddenly missing, family love is torn asunder, and the children often experience confusion, terror, pain, anger and grief. Anger: Our Most Active Emotion

Sometimes no one is available to comfort a child because his/her parents lost in their own emotional turmoil. Children do not know what to do and they want desperately for things to go back the way they used to be, with parents together and their world safe and comforting. However, children become even more frightened when they realize they have no power in this difficult situation.


As a California-based marriage and family therapist for the past 40 years, I have observed every different permutation of attempts to help children through divorce. Here is what I have seen work best to make the divorce go more smoothly for you and your child. If you decide to go forward with your divorce, implement these ten tips to minimize the trauma for your child and for yourself.

1. Have a family meeting to share with them what is going on, no matter how young they are. If you and your spouse can't stand being in the same room, make sure one parent does this. Include that it's not the children's fault, a simple explanation of why divorce is happening, an invitation to feel, talk and share reactions, and what they might expect.

2. Get help processing your emotions. That way you don't have them bleed out around the children or spill over onto them.

More divorce advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
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Ilene Dillon


Ilene Dillon

Radio Host, Coach, Author and Speaker

Be sure to get your Free 10-page article, Incredible Ways to Communicate That Result in Incredible Kids!

Ilene Dillon is a frequent radio guest, an Expert writing on several relationships and parenting sites, and is host of Full Power Living, focused on emotions in life. Ilene helps you Parent Consciously, as you lead your kids to develop mastery over anger and other emotions. Ilene's "Emotional Foundations for Life" series, includes The ABCs of Anger.

Connect with Ilene by subscribing to her Free Newsletter, Incredible Kids

Credentials: Marriage & Family Therapist and Clinical Social Worker

Location: San Francisco Bay Area

website: raiseincrediblekids.com



Location: Kentfield, CA
Credentials: LCSW, LMFT
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