So many kind and thoughtful parents are trying so hard to simply have a lovingly positive impact on their child, only to see the child slip further and further into the realm of being “challenging.” This is so prevalent, even among the best and brightest parents. Difficult child behavior comprises a quiet epidemic – the kind that brings so many to their knees.
Yes, there are kids with symptoms that are of great concern, symptoms that drive parents and teachers crazy, but I have found that the very same “intensity” that has gone awry can be the very fuel for a child who comes to use that “life force” in successful ways.
In order to create the essential shift from “challenging” to “successfully channeled life force,” I will cut to the core of a method called the Nurtured Heart Approach, and hone in on a few key stands that will change everything in a hurry. Let this article bring you hope and be the medicine that cures your family.
Four Initial Ways to Transform from Difficult to Dynamic
1. Fire the old broadband provider. First and foremost, bring your responses to negativity to a screeching halt. Kids can easily form the impression that they receive “better broadband” connection with the adults in their lives through negativity. Our responses to the positive pale in comparison to our energies of involvement when things go wrong. We lean into negativity with so much more passion in our voices and so many more words. I will give you a way of holding your child accountable for broken rules that allows you to stay “unplugged.” It is essential that your child now comes to see that he or she will no longer get the reward of “you” for poor choices – only a perfect, clear consequence when a rule is broken.
2. Give 21st century broadband. Now it’s time to give high-speed connection when things are going well. Your attempts to see and express appreciation and recognition can have the impact you’ve always wanted. Statements like “good job” and “thank you” are well-intended but inherently vague and under-energized. It is time to make our words of recognition and appreciation hit home and be truly inspiring. Tell the truth of the moment to your child whenever problems are not happening. Be willing to see even small instances of good judgment being used, rules being followed, and good choices being made. Be willing to voice your acknowledgment strongly: “Jason, I appreciate that you were thoughtful to your brother by walking away when he annoyed you. You could have called him a name but you made a great choice to stay calm and kind. That shows me your self-control and maturity.” Statements like these make a real difference in leading a child to a new impression that he can have your energized relationship for the positives.