Relates to both physical proximity and intimacy. You know the score, you decide to call up and surprise your loved one with an impromptu lunch, a quick interlude or a wicked weekend getaway, only to hear part rushed stories (alibi’s) why now is not a good time. Once is easily genuine, even twice and just for the sake of maintaining an otherwise good relationship I can stretch this to a 3rd time however if that’s all in a short space of time and there is no obvious and apparent reason then we are into avoidance. No-one likes getting caught in the act and we all do our hardest to avoid having to face the ‘victims’ of our deceptions especially so in the early stages. Beware the women that are seasoned veterans at this game and that is what it is to them, a game of attention, a desperate aching void that needs constant fulfillment, each love struck fool being called to participate in childish, overtly emotional tug o wars, each allegedly fulfilling a need that only they can fill…or so they are told. These deceptive practices may not be intentional however a woman in need can resort to behavior unbecoming of most ladies. I recall a friend of mine, lets call him Pete, that was used to seeing his best friend’s car parked outside Pete’s house whilst he was at work. He knew his wife to be depressed and thought nothing of it until one day he picked up a baby cot on special and decided to drop it home during work hours and then discovered his wife’s depression was outright dishonesty as she lay with his previous best friend. Don’t take any of your relationships for granted. If it doesn’t feel right, the odds are your gut is trying to get your heart to listen, the phrase “Love is Blind” has through the aeons earned its reputation.
Dishonesty Indicator No 3; You have been told.
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You have seen it with your own eyes. What more evidence do you need? Lets face it, for most people who focus on dishonesty they have a good reason, often times it is themselves that are at fault and hope to deflect some guilt onto the other party somehow then validating their own poor choices, at least in part to themselves. Signs to look out for however by no means all inclusive are; regular unexpected outbursts of anger, inability to sit and look you in the eyes whilst talking intimately, wild accusations that border on the irrational, covert and suspicious behavior, new underwear and you only see it in the drawer, your other half’s sudden plans with girlfriends you hardly see or know especially if they involve overnight stays, your own personal sense of unease and things not being ‘right. If you have a ‘bad one’ let them go, easily and effortlessly as trying to make sense of situations that make no sense will only add stress, duress and loads of future mess to your own life and others.
Rather than looking for signs of dishonesty instead develop your own ability to have ‘honest and open communications’ and this allows another to follow suit even when they may risk your trust. Given that most men would rather have their teeth pulled without Novocaine than sit and have open dialogue, consider it an investment that will expand exponentially and pay the greatest of dividends. Learn to develop genuine connection, meaning looking into the eyes of your lover (not just all the other good bits) and taking some time and being truly present. The first bonus is her needs will be met, the second bonus is if at any time the relationship does start to take a dive you will be well aware before the seeds of dishonesty are planted and able to address issues as they arise.
Relationship Coach Rose T.
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