“She’s not ready, but you are?” Now we’re talking sex. Where did this myth of the mutual orgasm come from? Or even that she has to come before you do? One thing I know is don’t ask her if she’s about to come. If she were, she won’t be as soon as you ask her. Letting her know you’re about to come is not such a big deal. Look, ladies first is a nice concept if you’re one of those guys that come and then lapse into a 24-hour coma afterwards. But if you can take the necessary breather afterwards to feel relaxed and focus on her, what’s the problem? Most women aren’t into one-act plays; we prefer the three-to-five-act ones, even if there is an intermission. Again, it comes down to communication. What turns her on? This is the delight and conundrum of women for men. Everyone is different. An erogenous zone on one woman is another’s “what the hell are you doing?” zone. It means you have to fine-tune your receptors, listen to her and watch how she moves. She’s telling you things, but your antennae may not be sensitive enough to pick them up. Fair enough. Then ask her; ask her what turns her on. Whisper in her ear as you start making out, “What do want me to do?” “What do you like?” Don’t be surprised if she’s too shy to tell you right away. Sometimes women believe they have to focus on pleasing their partners. They don’t know what pleases them. If it's a relationship you’re after, this will take time and trust. Honestly, most women won’t take it personally if you come before us. Maybe it’s even flattering, as long as it's the exception, not the rule. (It’s different if things have barely started to get sexual and everyone concerned is fully clothed.) Getting to that point in a relationship where you can be vulnerable enough to share fantasies and trust that they will be kept private and respected within the confines of sexual play is the goal for each of us, male or female. Remembering that we are all human beings first and male or female second will help us be present to each other, to be able to love each other.
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