A woman who has a strong sense of self will quickly show that she wants to be respected and heard. If you don’t appreciate that value and can’t reciprocate with understanding and good listening skills, you will probably see the end quickly, as soon she feels like something just isn’t “right “ between the two of you…
It’s as important to you to be with someone who shares your values, as it is for your love interest to find her ideal partner. Don’t play the game of pretending to be the man of her dreams only to later crush them. Be true to yourself and you’ll be much happier and be in a more fulfilling relationship in the end. When we try to meet another person’s expectations just to convince them we’re the real deal, we disrespect ourselves and the unique attributes and beliefs that make us individuals.
Take some time to contemplate your beliefs. Ask yourself some important questions. What matters most to you? What do you value? Does family matter? Do you want to be a hands-on dad? Do you want kids at all? Do you value a well-thought-out argument or does it bother you when someone doesn’t respond immediately? Are you the helpful kind of guy that stops whenever you see someone in need? Or do you value your time and think minding your own business is best?
All of these feelings and beliefs have pros and cons. Too much independence and you’re a hermit; too helpful and you’re suddenly a pest. Of course, there are degrees of thought on any subject. What will help you is to determine how you feel about something and, possibly, why you feel that why. Examine your beliefs.
Knowing yourself helps you to know who will be a compatible mate for you in the future. Of course, a pretty face and a great figure will always turn a head or two, but realize that if you don’t share similar values on the big things in life, the longevity of your relationship is at risk.
You might find that you’re attracted to a woman who is the complete opposite of how you see yourself, but the important thing is not how she acts or how she appears. It’s what she believes deep down inside. If you have similar beliefs and values, ones that mean the world to each of you, you will better navigate together through life’s twisting road.
Nothing is more pleasing than enjoying someone’s company, doing stuff you both love to do. But most girls aren’t going to be football fanatics, hoops lovers or even car buffs (although I’m sure you have plenty of guy friends that can fill those needs). But even if she’s not into every hobby or pastime you’re into, it makes a big difference if she realizes how important they are to you and acknowledges your need to spend effort and time on them. With that said, hopefully you will be equally understanding when she plans time with her girlfriends for shopping, watching the latest reality show or discussing makeup trends.
That’s what having shared values can do for a relationship: provide the balance to let each person flourish and yet still be appreciated.
Relationship Coach Monica S.