When we make friends, we migrate to seek others with similar interests. Football fanatics like to hang with other footballers, yelling at the screen as if their “couch-coaching” is somehow going to affect the results of the play. Movie buffs enjoy a good dissection of the latest psychological thriller’s “real” meaning, and guys who enjoy a choice wine or maduro cigar will soon make friends with other connoisseurs.
Nothing is different when it comes to choosing your partner. When you show up for church each week and she’s still fast asleep working on her “beauty routine,” or you’re ready for the next Understanding Your Zodiac Sign seminar and she’s at a weekly Bible study, chances are, eventually, you will conclude that you might have been attracted to someone with whom you have very little in common.
Shared beliefs are an important attribute to a strong, lasting relationship. Now, I’m not saying you both won’t survive if you’re not “equally yoked,” i.e., in the same religion, but rather that if you both don’t have the same level of commitment to those beliefs, it will be very hard to overcome.
It doesn’t matter if you’re Christian, Muslim, Hindu or Buddhist. What your beliefs are, is not the issue. It’s how important those beliefs are to you. If you were born into a Jewish family but seldom practice or keep the sacred holidays, then getting together with an equally apathetic woman, of any religion, may actually work for you. If you’re both equally as disinterested in religion as a whole, then both of you actually share a value. You might have similar responses to family tugs to participate in special occasions. You will both probably enjoy the uniqueness and the cultural differences and not fight over whose faith wins out. Religious beliefs will not be what you have in common, but rather that you both place a low value on religion as a whole.
The same can be said if religious beliefs are one of your values. If you find yourself falling in love with a woman who is very zealous about her religion or belief system, you will share that passion for the spiritual. What makes this tricky is that most religions have their own nuances that make them unique from other faiths. You may find that although you have some shared beliefs, you have contradictory views on other subjects. Take the time to discuss your viewpoints, share with each other and grow with each other. There’s a lot that can draw you closer when you’re both actively seeking knowledge and understanding. Once again, when you have a shared value of learning, it helps to bring you together harmoniously.
Meeting a woman in a place of worship doesn’t guarantee that you’re actually on the same page, so don’t be fooled. Take the time to have a deep conversation early on about what matters to this woman, what she believes. She may not articulate it so much as show it by what gets her upset, what makes her cry or what makes her react.