How to turn the woes of shopping with a lady into a fun and exciting experience.
So, your new girlfriend has asked you to go shopping with her. First, you panic. No, she doesn’t necessarily mean for you to buy everything she tries on. She might simply want your company during what most girls consider a wonderful way to pass the time.
When a woman asks you to accompany her shopping, it would be a good idea to clarify what kind of shopping she’s interested in doing, e.g., shopping for a specific event, shopping for sale items, shopping for a gift, shopping because it’s Tuesday or simply window shopping– this, of course, means she just wants to wander around and do some “possibility” shopping.
It’s very important to ascertain why she’d like you to go with her. Does she just want a second opinion on how things look on her? Does she want to see whether they flatter her, whether you like them on her, etc.? Or she might want you to join her to see just how creative you can be with your positive comments or your clever critiques. If she only wants a “yes man” with her to affirm how good she looks, it can get old really quickly for you, so let’s assume that’s not why she’s suggested an afternoon at Barneys. If she really is looking to see what you find attractive on her (Victoria’s Secret is in almost every shopping venue!), give her the attention she’s seeking and try your best to be “present” during the shopping experience.
Nothing is more upsetting to a woman than being lost in search of the perfect bikini, then looking over to see her man sitting bored to death on the nearest chair within walking distance, staring into space, drooling! If you said you’d go with her, then be with her! Get into it! If she’s searching for the right shade of blue denim to go with some new platforms she picked up, then assist her by focusing on the task at hand. Show her that you want to solve the same puzzle. She’ll appreciate that you’re actually showing some interest and intent by giving her some options to try. You should be flattered that she cares about your input enough to ask you to join her. Now show her you care and appreciate her wanting to look good for you and give her some honest attention to detail– “Are those a pair of 7 for All Mankind jeans on the sale rack?!”
You will score big points for having a good attitude, finding something to contribute and showing that you’re not anxiously awaiting anything to disengage from the drudgery of locating all the taupe-colored sleeveless tees in size M, or was that L?!
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For many men, shopping is just a necessity. Shopping is something to be done when they need something in particular. For many women, shopping is a form of entertainment and enjoyment. We enjoy pretending and imagining where we might wear that gaudy, beaded turquoise hula skirt. We like to play “fashion show” and try on items that are probably never going to go home with us. As they say, “It can’t hurt to look!” Or is it,
“You’ll go blind if you don’t stop?”
Bottom line, if your girlfriend asks you to go shopping with her, know that she’s really hoping that you’ll say “Yes!” and that you’ll both have a good time together. She’s not out to torture you or see how much makeup she can try on you before you run screaming from the cosmetics counter. She’s aware that some things are probably better accomplished alone or with a close female friend rather than you. So don’t go thinking this is going to be a horrible experience or some kind of test of your “true love” for her. She just wants a little company while she does the deed.
Remember that usually a day of shopping involves some kind of break, which usually involves food. Even the pros need to replenish and refuel in order to go the distance! A great salad or a yummy, well-deserved steak dinner might await you if you play your cards right and offer up some insightful comments, showing that you’re game to be part of what makes her happy.
If you want a woman to hang out with you for Monday Night Football, watch the playoffs or listen to old one-hit wonders from the ‘70s, it’s only fair that you give a little of your time to something that she enjoys doing–-and that’s shopping.
In love, you will find the word “compromise” mentioned often. Even if you find that you gag at the mention of Forever Thirty something-or-other, try to squelch that disgust and take on the attitude of being adventurous and trying something new for someone else. Have you ever been deep-sea fishing in a lake? Well, maybe not, but just try to be constructive without being harsh, observant without being negative and helpful without being pushy.
If all else fails, and you find that your attention to details such as “halter top or strapless?” waning, ask to be excused for a moment, take a brief walk, get some air in your lungs and come back with a refreshed, interested and positive attitude.
And don’t forget that most women don’t only love to shop for themselves, but also for the guy they’re hot over! So don’t be surprised if you score in more ways than one on the “keeper meter” by putting in a little shopping time with your honey. We love nothing more than seeing our guy looking haute and fashionable with the latest duds that we actually helped pick out. All is not lost, my friend! You can have a great time, too, trying on some cool new blazers or mad shoes. Who knows? She might start a passion of your own…skinny jeans, anyone?
In closing, shopping is a necessity to living. The sooner you stop having an aversion to it, the better your casual encounters with your girlfriend at your local mall will be. Take the time to listen to what she’s there for, how long she’s dedicating to it and what she’d like from you. It’s that simple. Share in the things she likes to do and she will return the favor.
The best time you can have is when your partner is in a great mood, so help both of you out by staying positive about the experience and interested in the outcome. Everyone likes to be heard and acknowledged, even if it is simply by affirming what they already know.
Shopping together can be a blast. Take the opportunity to get to know each other’s preferences, comfort levels and insecurities. Certainly, if you really like a woman, you’re interested in what makes her happy and, for some, it’s the feeling of buying up a fantasy in the form of a pretty dress or killer heels (they say we all have our poison). Join her for an afternoon of shopping, and she’ll be sure to thank you later.
Relationship Coach Monica S.
This article was originally published at How To Get The Woman of Your Dreams . Reprinted with permission from the author.