Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Would You Let Your Man Catch the Bus or Ride With a Co-Worker If?

Love

Would You Let Your Man Catch The Bus In The Rain If A Lady Co-Worker Is Willing To Come By And Pick

Monique, 39, self-employed, who owns her own car, is dating a man without a car, and says it depends on who the coworker is. She would need to know this in order to decide if she would be okay with her man riding to work with another woman as opposed to catching the bus. Is this selfish or preventive maintenance? “Boy, you better suffer in the rain and ride that bus for our love!” Monique explains that if she felt uncomfortable, she would expect her man to say no. “Honey, I caught that bus in the rain for our love and was so wet by the time I arrived at work I was fired--all for our love, honey. Honey, why didn’t you let me use the car?” Monique furthermore says that in 2013, women are much thirstier than men. “Anybody need a drink?”

Tanya–old enough to know--states that it depends on the person. Is it Natalie or Ambrosia? However, she goes on to say she would expect her man to make a decision in her own best interests. Notice she does not say that she expects her man to make a decision “in OUR best interests;” it’s clearly “MY best interests.” Interesting, isn’t it? “Honey, I took a ride with the neighbor. I thought it would make you feel better knowing that your honey boo was not getting soaking wet in the cold rain.”

Mama from Mississippi, 50-plus, states she would rather her man catch the bus, because women today are far too ratchet and thirsty for her. Basically, they are out to destroy your relationship. Desperate and hating on you, they do not really want your man; they just do not want you to be happy because they are miserable. (Dating and the Desperate 30s)

Now this is what women have to say about other women. Wow! No wonder y’all can’t find a man; you have to get the hate out of your heart for each other first.

Nat, somewhere around 32, asks, “Does she have motives?” Good question, Nat. With no motives, she is like a good neighbor, like the State Farm commercial agents you see on TV. Nat states that nowadays women are like men: aggressive! In the world we live in, the roles are reversed. If it were just a one-time offer, then she would be okay with it, but she would not be okay with regular occurrences. “Oh boy, it’s supposed to rain all week. What am I going to do?”

 

What’s interesting about these four women, who were interviewed together, is that they all seem to have an underlying distrust for other women. “Girl, you’re cool, but I do not trust you with my man.” I find this quite interesting. What are they really saying to other women? “Stay away from my man, you ho!” My question is, what is it that these women know about themselves, and especially about other women, that makes them so distrustful? This is a blog topic in itself.

The following women were interviewed individually:

 

Vanessa, somewhere around 45, states, “I'm okay with him catching a ride. But, I could potentially be able to get him, so I would like the option. I'm not interested in having to track my man’s every move, so if trust is not there, then I'm not, either!” Options? What is this, the stock market? There is no option. Either he is getting his butt on the bus in the rain, or his nice, considerate neighbor is going to pick him up and save your man, because you are at work, working hard for the money. The neighbor says she will even dry your man off for you as well. What do you think about that? (Should Women Be Barefoot, Pregnant & In the Kitchen?)

Jackie, somewhere around her mid-30s, says, “I will expect my man to get a ride from the girl so that he does not get wet. His health is more important to me. Nothing in the world says a man can't have female friends if he is in a relationship. But if the man decides to misuse the trust I have for him, than that is another matter altogether.” (Dating and the Desperate 30s) “Girl, a good man is hard to come by. I cannot afford to lose a good man over a car ride with another woman.” Jackie’s response is excellent, in my humble opinion. It makes you reflect on why the first four women interviewed are so insecure, which points to several relationship red flags. They would rather their man struggle on the bus in the rain when a nice warm ride is available, because they have trust issues? (Dating the Insecure Woman vs. Secure Woman, Part 1) Interesting, isn’t it?

 

“I am sorry, honey. I will be taking that bus ride, or leave me the car and I will drop you off at work.”

Julie, 34 years on the planet plus little ones, states she would be okay with him getting a ride with the neighbor because, “I don't want him catching the bus in the rain.”

Jena, single and 26, states, “I know a lot of women wouldn't agree with allowing their man to ride with a woman, but me, personally, if I trust him, it wouldn't be a problem because I will offer to drop him off versus hearing rumors that he could be messing around on me.” Difficult question to answer.

Dani, who’s been around the block a few times, states, “If he is transparent and has shown trustworthiness, I wouldn't care that he gets a ride. I wouldn't want him if he weren’t trustworthy. He may get on the bus and get into even more trouble. Take the ride and tell me about how well she drives and how happy you were to not take the bus or train.”

Gwen, Old Mother Hubbard, states, “First of all, I don't get ‘allowing’ a person to do something.  That's another conversation. But yes, he can definitely get a ride with her. If I really love my man, I will take him, and if I am not able to, I would rather see him be safe, warm and comfortable in someone else's car, rather than make him take public transportation because of my fearfulness and insecurities. He should not have to make that kind of decision because I have a problem with trust. It is my problem, not his.”

This was a very interesting topic and interview, and what I have noticed is that the first four ladies, who were interviewed in the same room together, all piggy backed off each other’s fears and distrust of other women. The remaining ladies were interviewed separately and the trust issued was relegated to its proper place: the back of the bus. The bottom line is, why in the world would you want your man to catch the bus in the cold rain when he can have a safe and comfortable ride from a co-worker next door? If you are worried about him cheating on you, then the two of them can certainly accomplish that without your knowledge. That’s why it’s called cheating. (Understanding Why men Cheat...and How You Can Prevent It)(Understanding the Big 9 Reasons Men Cheat on Beautiful Women)

 

Since there is only one car among you two, which happens to be registered in your name, and if you cannot give him a ride to work because you really don’t want him driving your car, or you do not want to wait on him to pick you up, then maybe you should reevaluate what type of relationship you have. Is it all about you or is it about the team? (The True Meaning of Relationship Teamwork)  “I know I don’t have anything, baby, but what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours.”

Please share your opinion. What would you do? How would you respond? Let us know...

 

This article was originally published at How To Get The Man of Your Dreams . Reprinted with permission from the author.

MOST POPULAR