If Anybody Deserved To Have Sex, Jesus Did


If Anybody Deserved To Have Sex, Jesus Did

If I were one of the disciples, I would have had to say, “Sorry, Jesus, I need to take a day off to see my wife. Heaven and earth will understand.” Why would I become human if I did not want to have human experiences? And sex, my dears, is a human, as well as a spiritual, experience.

Why do you think the world is in so much trouble now? If the pope were having sex, trust me; the world he influences would be in much better shape, and instead of wars and hatred on a daily basis, it would be replaced by, "I'll call you back, Obama, Suzy’s waiting in the papal office." If the pope had a woman in his life, his decision making would certainly be different. “No Pope Innocent, I want red flowers, not Pink.” A woman is necessary. Even Jesus, who came as the son of man, could not have come without the assistance of a woman.  He chose not do it by himself.


I love Jesus, but honestly, how could he have spent 33 years on planet earth helping people and seeing some of the most beautiful women of that time period, without a single one giving him some vajajay? That's incredible. No massage? Only one foot rub? (Luke 7:36-50) No back rub? No oral sex? (Oral Sex 101:What You Need to Know) Sounds more like torture on earth to me.

How could your best friend Mary Magdalene be a ho, give everyone else some vajajay and, knowing you’re the savior of the world, not give you a taste? Something is not right about this story.

I honestly believe that as the son of God, Jesus was cheated out of the most important and emotional human experience on the planet. There is no way you can grow up on this planet and not experience the love of a woman physically.

How can you be God and man but not experience the energy and emotions of two people intertwined, sucking and breathing each other's air? It is the best experience on planet earth! Nothing beats it. So why would you, as a pope, bishop, saint, nun or monk, deny yourself the most beautiful experience on earth?

I know Jesus came to save us, but how could he truly save us if he never had sex with a woman? According to the story, it was a woman who brought down Adam. It was Bathsheba that made David send Uriah to the frontlines, and it was Delilah that cut the Great Sampson’s hair.

Understanding the emotions, the highs and lows, the love and hate that come with such an emotionally-charged experience as having an intimate relationship with a woman, is what life is pretty much all about for healthy, heterosexual men. If anyone deserved to have sex with a woman, it was Jesus. At least one woman should have given herself to Jesus. Hook the man up; he deserved it! A man has not truly lived until he has experienced a woman physically, spiritually and mentally.

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This article was originally published at How To Get The Man of Your Dreams . Reprinted with permission.
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