Many women wonder why they are beautiful, but sitting at home alone or as a single mother. First, remove the pride and embarrassment and get away from those other negative, lonely women who have no answers. Break ties with those who have men and prevent you from finding the Man of Your Dreams (MOYD) because you're their babysitter. You should instead be saying, "I need help. I am beautiful and single. Why don't you help me find the MOYD? My clock is ticking." (Understanding Why You Are Beautiful and Still Single)
The first step to finding and keeping the MOYD is to ask God to send him your way. Now, once your prayer is answered, you may forget that you asked God for this man. There is an old saying: "Be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it." If you don't mind, I would like to add a little seasoning sauce to that old proverb: "Be ready for what you ask for. Also, remember the grass is not necessarily greener in the neighbor's yard. It just appears that way."
A double-minded man or woman receives nothing from the Lord. You've seen her: the woman who can never make the right decision at the right time, even when her most trusted friend has her best interests in mind and says, "Girl, you know you love Teddy, so why are you dating Mark?" Even though advised, she can never make the right decision and becomes sad or deeply depressed when some other woman who can barely speak English swoops up her potential Mr. Right.
Acting like tomorrow is guaranteed is a big no-no. Live each day as if it were your last. It will affect the way you prioritize the decisions you are making right now. What was the major difference in thinking between these two women? Why did one woman who could barely speak her man's language achieve what seemed to be impossible, instead of the woman who spoke the same language, but could never get a commitment? The solution to finding and keeping the MOYD lies in understanding the answer.
One woman had one goal. She knew what she wanted, and when a suitable candidate appeared she focused her energy and love only in his direction, in order to achieve her goal of a happy family. Later, the other woman is sitting there confused, wondering, "What the heck? How did she do that?"
Well first, she did it when you were not looking. You probably thought you had the relationship on lock and any day he was going to make a commitment and say you were the one for him, but that day never came. Why? Let me explain something very important about men: We secretly detest women who sleep around with every Tom, Dick and Harry. Yes, men in general will sleep with you for a hot second, but we already intuitively know that our relationship with you will be short-term. After we come to our senses, and especially if reports of your promiscuous behavior get back to us, your status will go from a bright, shining star to an embarrassment.
Another thing is that men do not like the girl who always has to be out having a good time. Can we say conflict of interest? You do not want to be caught like this: "Hey, Dan, there goes Suzy again. Didn't we just see her out last week?" You must learn the art of making a special appearance, so that when you do appear it is refreshing. Men will say, "Where did she come from?"
In any case, a double-minded woman receives nothing. If you do not know what you want before and/or once you find the MOYD and do not respect or appreciate him, don't expect to achieve your underlying desire: to keep him and live happily ever after. When you want something or someone, you have to narrow your focus. You cannot be all over the place and still expect to achieve your goal. I have watched women who have had the perfect opportunity, only to blow it. They could not sit still and ended up being in places and sleeping with men they should have never been with, ruining their chance to secure the MOYD. Unfortunately, there is a set of double standards that men look at when it comes to dating a woman. (The Truth About Double Standards in Dating) You might not like them, but you should certainly be aware that they do exist and that they are unspoken.
The woman who finds and keeps the MOYD sets her goals, believes in her heart that she is worthy and has high expectations that he will arrive. Once he shows his face, she cherishes the blessing she has been given. Men want that woman who recognizes without a doubt that he is the one; a woman who respects those special qualities unique to him. She does not waiver just because the road gets a little rocky. (Women have the Power to Help Men Become Better) Men desire a woman who is not all over the place.
In our double-mindedness, we find ways to block our future success–making excuses and looking for the perfect relationship, instead of perfect moments that build the perfect relationship. If you truly love somebody, love will find a way to make it work, no matter what the circumstances. If you allow it, love will conquer anything negative. Look to what you desire, as opposed to "Girl, he has two baby mamas and three kids. He is not going to have enough time for me." Wrong outlook! You are looking at the material world and being a tad bit selfish, as opposed to being a partner in a relationship. Remember, don't be upset when some unknown woman out there finds the MOYD just perfect for her scenario. The difference is, she will make the choice to be with him without the double-mindedness, because she knows what she wants and communicates through her spirit exactly what he needs to hear.
If you truly love him, you will appreciate the blessings in his life and find a way to share your life with him. You will find a way to create harmony instead of chaos. It certainly beats being a babysitter. Accepting and loving him for who he is right now is the little unknown secret that your girlfriends may not tell you. It's not lowering your standards, but finding a way to make your relationship with him successful no matter the circumstances. It might be the test you need to pass before the universe allows the MOYD to come into your life, or perhaps he is already present, but you have 50 roadblocks up preventing the relationship from working.
In the above example, the girl who barely speaks English kept it simple, knew what she wanted, did not doubt that he was coming and was thankful and appreciative once he arrived. It's really not that complicated.
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For More Advice On Being Single From YourTango:
- Newly Single? How To Make A Fresh Start
- Why You Shouldn't Sweat Being Single
- The 3 Big Reasons You're Still Single