Okay, once again, here's the scenario. You call up a male friend in another city, say Los Angeles, and say, “Hey, I am coming into town on such and such a date, can I stay at your place?”
Now keep in mind that you have never slept with this friend and you have other friends in the same town that you could potentially stay with, so this man is going to have a bit of anticipation because of your choice. (When to Have Sex with the Man You’re Dating?)
Your friend is a nice guy and accommodates you. He goes two hours out of his way, round trip, to pick you up from the airport, simply because you were unable, too cheap or just didn’t think to get a rental car. But whatever; you now expect this friend to cater to your needs by running you around town. Can I say: Get a bus pass?
Okay, as a rule of thumb, if you call and invite yourself to a man’s home in another state, come prepared to take care of your business and at least ask him, at the bare minimum, if he needs anything. I mean, if the man has provided lodging, then right off the bat, you are saving hundreds of dollars on hotel costs. Right?
So he picks you up from the airport. Keep in mind you’re not sleeping with him; in fact, now you are back in the safety and comfort of his home in a gigantic king-sized bed of your own, not to mention your own bathroom.
He now reluctantly asks if you know how to give a massage. After all, he has a headache from a very long day--facing two hours of driving in LA traffic, highway construction projects and road detours just to pick you up. And you say no. Okay, I know what you are thinking, but I don’t care if you give a massage in your panties, in your bathrobe, down on your knees or fully clothed. No is not an option. Besides, is it “no” as in you don’t feel like it, or “no,” as in you don’t know how to give a massage? In that case, you’re 27 years old and do not know how to give a man a basic massage? Are you kidding me? You are a prime candidate to be cheated on. (Understanding The Big 9 Reasons Men Cheat on Beautiful Women)
Okay, so let’s be realistic here and go deeper. You are somewhat of a decent-looking woman; I will give you that. You can dress nicely; I’ll give you that. But the real question is, what do you bring to the table that benefits anyone besides you? Here is the honest-to-goodness opinion of an intelligent man viewing your behavior: “She is not a supermodel; she’s in the middle of the road. She is not willing to sleep with me, she called and invited herself to stay at my home, she expects to be picked up from the airport, she does not know how to give a basic massage, she was too cheap to get a rental car (which means she is broke) and she never even asked if I needed anything. So she is broke and cheap and it was always about her--how her hair looks and what she is going to wear.” Who are you really going to catch--the Man of Your Dreams? More like the man of right now.
You even expected him to run you around town, taking you here and there. Once again, get a bus pass. You did not even offer a meal, gas money, a Scooby snack--nothing! Geez, how cheap can you be?
Ladies, this behavior is unrealistic, and in a man’s mind, if you are not having sex, you better have some other compensating factors. Like, you’re a great cook, your massages are the bomb, or you’re a hard worker, have a great job and make a lots of money, and are not afraid to share your blessings. But when you come to a man’s home and you are not having a sexual relationship with him, then it is unrealistic to expect him to continuously go out of his way, when he has a plethora of important things to do. This is very unrealistic. You must and should always come bearing a gift of some kind. Although he more than likely will never tell you, the woman who comes bearing gifts will blow him right out of the water, even if you are just a friend. “Ah, honey, can you move to the smaller bed? So-and-so needs the king bed.” Bringing a gift shows you appreciate him and that it’s not all about you. A bottle of wine, some toilet paper--it’s not that hard. You can do it, baby! (The Five Magic Words the Man You’re Dating Secretly Wants You to Say) If you don’t, he will say to himself that you lack class and are self-centered. Not a label you want.
You may attract a man with your dress, but it will never keep him. Eventually, all of your investments in clothing will be bought at the the thrift store by his future wife, because you failed to understand that the true investment to be made was in yourself. One day, he will drift away and you will be sitting there like, “What happened?” What happened was that you were unrealistic; you brought nothing to the table but expected everything in return; a 100 percent return on your investment that you put zero dollars into. Can I say, get a bus pass? When you decided to leave and go stay at another friend’s house, he was like, “Great, I will catch up with you later, player.”
Let’s make something really clear here: It’s not that the man was demanding you give him certain gifts to stay at his home. It is just about showing common courtesy toward someone who went out of his way to be courteous to you.
In any relationship, you have to give something in order to truly receive. Always remember to make yourself an asset in any situation, so that you will be invited back. My father taught me this old saying: “I am blessed because I give, and I give because I am blessed.”
When you can’t do anything and don’t want to give anything, but expect everything? That is unrealistic.
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This article was originally published at How To Get The Man of Your Dreams . Reprinted with permission from the author.