Hearing your man is not listening to your man. To hear your man, or say, “I hear you,” in my humble opinion, is disrespectful, because to hear someone does not mean you understand. It does not mean that your attitude is receptive. It does not mean you care about or are even listening to what is being said. Please do not act like you have no idea what I am talking about. We all have made this mistake, especially when emotions are high.
We often get so comfortable in our relationships that we simply forget to listen like we did on that first date. We just assume the other person is happy. Then others who desire what we have swoop in to temporarily disrupt it by simply doing what we have forgotten to do: listening to the other person as if we really care.
How do you think the other woman in your relationship, the one you did not know about, became the other woman--the woman of your nightmares? How did she gain the upper hand? What was her secret? She gained the upper hand simply because she truly listened to all of your screwups and was smart enough not to repeat them, saying to herself, “I will not be making that mistake.” The point is she truly listened to your man with understanding.
Okay, so do you want to know how to get your man back, or are you still pissed? For those of you who are still pissed but want to know what the heck happened, continue reading and pay close attention to the following advice.
When I hear those very words, "I hear you", in a conversation or argument, I know the other person is not listening but waiting to speak, and most of the time is so anxious to do so that she does not even wait until the other person is finished before she blurts out what she wants to say. But the strange thing is, if she is not listening to him, then what makes her believe that he is truly going to listen to her, especially since she just cut him off in mid-sentence? Her behavior goes against the very fabric of someone who is going to listen. Now she is working on assumptions, because she failed to truly listen and understand what he was trying to tell her.
Does this sound familiar? It’s a vicious circle that can go round and round with no progress toward a positive outcome. In fact, your discussion has now turned into an argument, and no one is listening and nothing has been accomplished. You are only getting more frustrated. If you both stop for a moment and analyze the underlying issue, you may come to the conclusion that neither you nor him was ever truly listening, and as a result, you took everything he was saying way too personally. Please take a moment to reflect on what I am saying, then go and apologize to the Man of Your Dreams (MOYD). And remember, it’s not always about you, even when he is giving you an example from the past, so let the insecurities go and just listen. Remember, men communicate differently from women. I know you do not want to hear about what his previous woman did or did not do right, but just the fact that he is giving you an example means he wants a successful, happy relationship with you.
Overly high expectations lead you to think it’s always about you. Here’s a little story I would like to share about a major breakthrough I had in a relationship that was becoming increasinglydifficult. I want to start off by thanking God for this breakthrough. Thank God for the first time my fiancée actually closed her mouth and listened. And because she actually listened, she could now finally understand me and that what I had been trying to say for months was not all about her, I really just wanted her to get to know and understand my personality. It was an amazing breakthrough. Her understanding was genuine and once she stopped trying to protect herself by speaking over me and truly listened, she could finally understand exactly why I was pushing her away. I could not believe my ears when she admitted, “I now understand why you have been pushing me away.” She went on to say there were many things she needed to work on. It was dreamy, like, is this the same girl? I was like, now I am in love. And all because she finally listened. “Girl, if you keep this up, that marriage contract is just around the corner.”
It’s okay to know what you want; in fact, it’s the only way you are going to get it and trust that your man knows exactly what you want when it comes to marriage, even though you do not say it. It’s like we have a sixth sense. “Man, how long do you think she will be with me if I do not marry her?” (Understanding If You Are "Wifey" Material?) Well, here at HTGTMOYD, we are quite simply trying to help you get that contract. It’s certainly better than being the other woman. (A Double-Minded Woman Receives Nothing! James 1:7-8)
Your exterior beauty, makeup and the sexiest outfit from the top designer in the Beverly Center will not save a relationship when no one is listening to the other person with understanding and compassion. Once my fiancée closed her mouth, her ears amazingly opened, as if the Red Sea had parted in the Biblical story of Moses. And for the first time in our relationship, she could not only hear and see my point of view, she could also see her own errors.
Don’t be afraid of criticism, because you can and will get past it quite easily with a receptive attitude and an open ear. And frankly, not to listen to your man is to go against God’s word and the success of your relationship.
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This article was originally published at How To Get The Man of Your Dreams . Reprinted with permission from the author.