18 Things To Say (and NOT to Say) if Your Man is in Jail


18 Things To Say (and NOT to Say) if Your Man is in Jail
In remembrance of our men and women behind bars (Hebrews 13:3, Matthew 7:12)

With the ever-increasing number of laws in our society, your man may find himself in jail for something as simple as unpaid parking tickets. I visited the Los Angeles County Jail, one of the toughest and most segregated jails in the nation, to see what some of its toughest men had to say.

Ladies, let me first explain that in jail, they call the phone “the stress box.” Plus, there are usually only a few phones per 30-plus men. This is certainly not the time to broadcast your dirty laundry, as all phone calls are recorded and could be used against him. Your primary focus should be getting the Man of your Dreams (MOYD) out of that environment and back home safely. So I recommend that if you are a praying couple, that you pray before you make or accept the call--or even better, pray together before you start the conversation. Trust me; you will need it, because there is an overwhelming amount of stress in such a situation, and there are things you cannot see that can add a ton more.


State of Mind

Once a man allows fear to enter his mind, thinking the worst is just a step away. Your job is to lift him up, not tear him down. Stay aware and focused at all times, and try not to take any outbursts personally. Constant fear + constant stress + constant worry do not always produce the most loving of phone calls.


Jail is filled with negatives, from other inmates to correctional officers, who at times can be very rude, to say the least. Pray constantly that God protects your man at his life’s lowest point. Ninety percent of the Bible was written from jail or captivity, so do not be surprised if he truly finds God there. Support his efforts to become a better man. For all of you praying ladies, this is an answered prayer. Give thanks.

I hope and pray that you never personally experience the inside of a jail cell, but one weekend spent there would change your entire perspective on correctional facilities. Imagine being locked in a small bathroom all day, only eating the worst of the food in your refrigerator and only being able to use the phone or watch a preselected TV channel when somebody else allows it. You may not even get the bare essentials, such as soap or toilet paper.

All the while, you are ducking and dodging jail politics and racism: “Blacks eat here, Mexicans over there, whites sit at their respective tables and Asians and others get in where they can. Blacks use this phone; Mexicans, whites and others use that phone.” Are you serious? Yes, life-threateningly serious. It’s unfortunate that some men have died in facilities like these for something as simple as a baloney sandwich (or something that looks like baloney). It’s a very sad situation.

Keep in mind that your man is surrounded by some of the most criminally-minded people you will never (hopefully) meet. Note: Obviously, every single person in jail is not a bad apple, and many do not belong there, which also says something about our “injustice” system. With that being said, with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26), and if you invite him into your lives, and the MOYD uses his time wisely, God can and will take a negative situation and use it for the good of you and your family, making you a stronger couple.

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