He's out there ... somewhere.
It's a Friday night. Your girlfriends all have date nights planned with their boyfriends. They're going to dinner, the movies, or staying in and spending time together.
You're alone and it doesn't take long for you to wonder why. Well, the answer isn't as simple as you may think.
Here are some of the most common reasons why a woman doesn't have that special man in her life:
1. Your standards are too high.
It's great to have high standards. No woman should sell herself short and then be stuck in a situation she regrets, but there is such a thing as having standards that are too high.
Normal standards: "I want him to respect me, treat me right and be honest and decent." Too-high standards: "He better drive a Lexus and make six figures."
Always ask yourself if your standards are realistic. And more importantly, ask if your standards will nab you the man that will make you happy.
2. Negativity is your middle name.
Do you need to win every argument? Are you confrontational or super defensive? Do you never give compliments or simply can't be pleased? If so, you might be negative.
Don't be combative or hostile, and don't let one thing he says turn you off to him completely. Open up a little more and don't stress. Men who see women as overly negative usually head for the door.
3. You're going after the wrong guy.
It happens all too often. You're able to pull what you think is a fantastic guy — good looking, charming, a guy women would kill for. He can get whoever he wants. And that's part of the problem.
If you're constantly seeking the guy who's going to make every woman jealous, keep in mind that this guy probably KNOWS that he can get you and any other woman in the room. Thinking that the lotharios are the ones that want to stick around are where you're bound to get caught going after the wrong guy.
4. You're not listening.
This goes for both men and women. Most of us are very bad at listening. To listen is to devote your complete attention on the other person. If your attention is divided between what they're saying and what you want to say next or how you want to respond, you're not really listening.
Listening is not about hearing, it's about receiving. Information from the other person is coming at you in several forms. Spoken word is only a fraction of it. Pay attention to their body language, their tonality, eye contact, their energy, euphemisms, sarcasm and the things they don’t say.
5. You could be in the wrong location.
Sometimes, you may be in a city or town and you just don't click with the men you're surrounded by. Maybe you're in a rural area and you like city guys or maybe you're in a city but prefer a cowboy. In any case, you probably won't be able to connect if you don't have things in common.
If you think that you're not getting along with the guys in your area, seek out a different area — go to different hang outs and scenes.
6. You don't take care of yourself.
Men care about this, but not in the ways you think — we don't really care what brand your shoes are — but we do notice if you take care of yourself. This includes things like wearing nice clothes, doing your hair, makeup, exercising and even what you eat.
Now, you don't need to go overboard, and this shouldn't be a determining factor in a relationship. But if you're wearing a sweatshirt and jeans without any makeup and your friends are doing a little something to make themselves appealing, most men's eyes are going to go for those girls first.
It's not that you aren't appealing, but by the time he gets to you, he's already taken by the girl who put in a little extra effort. Also, things like staying in shape are important. A healthy body is connected to a healthy mind.
7. You're hung up on an ex.
Whether you're still seeing him or still dreaming about him, the ex is getting in the way and leaving you nothing but an empty bed. Sometimes the memory of an ex will keep you from investing in another man.
The ex will make you see other men as just a passing phase on the way back into the ex's arms. Other times, the men you're dating will catch wind that you're still in love with your ex. If this is the case, many men will split before they get attached and subsequently hurt when you and the ex rekindle the spark — even if it's just for a night.
8. You're being judgmental and insecure.
Most men do not care to be around women who are full of judgments about people and life. It's negative, saps out the fun and motivates us to be on guard with what we say and how we act. The end result: we don't feel free when we're with you.
Hating on other women only reveals your insecurity and weakness of character. People say men are visual, and we are, but we're also discerning when it comes to character.
9. You give "it" up too easily.
When you're a teenager, you think the easiest way to get a man to stick around is to sleep with him. When you get a little older, you realize that isn't necessarily the best way.
If you sleep with a man the first time you meet him, there's a good chance he may not call for a second date. Why? He may feel that he has gotten everything from you that's worth getting. By not giving him more than a kiss the first night you meet him, he will be encouraged to continue the pursuit.
10. You're jaded.
Whether you've been hurt or taken advantage of before, it's yesterday's baggage. It has no place in the present.
When you put up your walls, men cannot "see" you, and will lose interest quickly. Courage and confidence are sexy to every gender. When we have to watch out for things that may scare you or bring up bad memories, it sucks away energy we would put in to seducing and enjoying you.
The past is finished, and you should move on from it and enjoy your present, because holding onto bad things can make you bitter, and you carry that with you when you meet men. Let go, forgive, forget or whatever helps you claim back your happiness and power.
11. You can't accept compliments or kind gestures.
Rejecting a compliment can be humble, only to a point. When it continues, you are essentially rejecting a man's attempt at loving you. We want to tell you and show you that we think you are beautiful. Whether or not you agree with the delivery is a separate matter. Can you accept it with grace and appreciation?
12. Desperation is dripping off of you.
It is an energy frequency that repels everyone, men and women alike. Desperation is the fullest expression of fear.
Get out of your head and be in the moment. Enjoy what is happening and do not attach to any outcome. Desperation is a state of mind that takes you over and drives you repeatedly to "Singleville".
13. You can't be by yourself.
Men are turned off by the woman who always has to have company and can't be by herself. If a man calls you and you're in the company of another man every time, he'll feel unneeded and wonder why he should even bother with someone who's always so occupied.
14. You don't actually want a relationship.
Whether you admit it or not, you may actually be single because you want to be. You may enjoy going out with girlfriends and playing the field. You may not want the attachment of a serious partner, or you may just not be very good at commitment. In any case, some women who are single really just want to be single; some want to be single subconsciously.
If you're asking "Why am I single?" but then not returning the calls of interested men, or going out for drinks every weekend to meet a new beau, these are behavioral signs that you really, at core, don't want to be tied down. Sometimes being single is just what you want.
Whatever is keeping you single has very little to do with anything outside of yourself. Your perceptions about men, yourself, the meaning you put into the little things and your beliefs are all most likely in need of an overhaul. We are all energetic, vibrating beings. Confidence, fun, depression, bitterness—they all vibrate at specific frequencies. What's your typical frequency?
The good news is that vibrations, perceptions and beliefs can always be changed. You can remove the labels you've put over your beautiful self that stop you from reaching your full, unclouded potential.
This article was originally published at How To Get The Man of Your Dreams . Reprinted with permission from the author.