In the first 90 days, there are three stages on the road to recovery from drug or alcohol abuse:
1. Physical detox: 1 to 30 days
In the beginning, when you first discover the addiction, ask him indirectly, in the gentlest way possible, if he is drinking or doing drugs. Do realize that if the MOYD is addicted to drinking or drugs, the first step is to educate and arm yourself with knowledge of the facts about addiction, and seek people who have experience with successfully dealing with addictions. Coming up with solutions off the top of your head, without the education, is not going to work. You are going to need some tools to deal with this rollercoaster ride, and one of the best tools you can obtain will be getting the advice of experienced people.
During the first 30 days, the MOYD should be flushing his system with plenty of liquids. It takes about 30 days for the drugs to clear his system. The drugs create an alternative state of reality, constantly lying to him and creating an urge so strong that it will cause him to be totally irresponsible. Each time he takes a drink, he thinks it's going to be different, but the same problem repeats itself every single time. The obsession overrules all thoughts, including his love for God.
The illusion leads to insanity or unsound thinking, and the disease changes faces, often attracting other types of drugs. An addict suffers from mental, physical, and spiritual ailments—a demonic possession. The disease becomes a master manipulator, thus the need for a power greater than himself, such as God and highly-experienced groups like AA. A power greater than him is needed, because the disease runs parallel with his thinking, like two streets running in the same direction. He needs someone with experience, off whom he can bounce his ideas. An addicted mind is his worst enemy. He may tell himself, “Let’s go downtown and get a hotel suite,” knowing good and well that downtown is the hotspot for drugs. He needs to be in constant communication with someone who can recognize his crafty thoughts and tactics and say, “No, that’s a bad idea.”
If your man is an alcoholic or drug addict, get professional help. Do not think you can do it all by yourself. Recovery is accomplished when he no longer has the obsession to use drugs or drink alcohol.
2. Mental detox: 31 to 60 days
The MOYD may not respond well emotionally; he may misinterpret things being said to him. This period can be compared to an emotional rollercoaster. During the 31-to-60-day period, the addicted man is going through physical changes. These are due to his body’s craving for drugs, which contributes to the irritability or restlessness. It may or may not be to a high degree. In addition, he could experience some physical trauma due to withdrawal, and the fact that anybody who has abused drugs and alcohol has traumatized himself mentally and physically, through loss of weight, improper rest and lack of proper nourishment. The body and mind need to function properly. It’s dangerous for an addict to recover, then relapse.
Your purpose during this 31-to-60-day period of mental detox is to be his support system and companion. Drugs break down his self-esteem, so if you support him with lots of love, it will help him build it back up, reinforcing that he can kick the addiction. (Women have the Power to Help Men Become Better) (The Five Magic Words the Man You’re Dating Secretly Wants You to Say)
3. Spiritual detox: 61 to 90 days. This requires group involvement, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings and/or attending a church, mosque, synagogue, etc.
Encourage the MOYD, with your support, to get involved with a mentoring program at church, or any community-based program such as AA. Here, he can get help and also share his experiences with others who can relate, as well as meet mentors who have overcome their drug and/or alcohol addictions. It is very important to encourage him to keep doing what he needs to do to get himself clean, as opposed to sitting around at home with lots of idle time. Idle time is a BIG no-no when dealing with an addiction.
Equally important is for you to find a support group for yourself, especially with people who have experience dealing with drug addictions. There will come a time when you will need the knowledge and support that these types of groups, such as Al-Anon, can offer. It’s important to realize that during this first 90-day period, he may relapse. You are not Superwoman, so do not try to do it by yourself (Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10).
He is going to have to ask God to give him the strength to forgive himself and apologize to others. Beware and be prepared that through his addictive behavior, he might have hurt you in ways you are not aware of; for example, missing money. So do not be shocked at his confessions during his recovery phase, because it could cause him to relapse. (Learning the Art of Forgiveness is a Must to Attracting a Successful Relationship!)