So, how do you know when you meet someone who is a Manipulator? If they seem charming and likable, but you feel something in the pit of your stomach, or that feeling that something's "off" - RUN. If they sometimes say things that make you question the truth or yourself - RUN. If you find yourself in a whirlwind romance...they are extremely romantic and very quick to confess their love for you - RUN. If you find yourself feeling sorry for them (confusing pity with love), because they seem like a victim who has always been wronged in their relationships - RUN. If they are not friends with any of their ex's, and don't seem to have strong relationships with their kids or their friends - RUN. Finally, if you are bold enough to ask one of their former love interests for their own experience (and they seem credible) and their story does not sound good - RUN! Most tigers don't change their stripes.
Know that there is no shame in misjudging someone's character or emotional stability - even strong people can be vulnerable at certain times of their life. The problem is if you let the negative relationship continue after knowing the truth. When you constantly give someone the benefit of the doubt, and they're left with all the benefit and you're left with all the doubt…it's time to make a change. Stand for something, or fall for anything. When you find yourself trying to influence others that your mate is "a good, stable, loving person who really loves you", you know you are lying to yourself and are really a victim of manipulation and brainwashing. Others see what you cannot. Try not to beat yourself up for being involved with such a dysfunctional person. It’s normal to feel embarrassment, guilt and extreme pain being ‘taken in’ by someone you gave your everything to – one you trusted but who didn’t truly love or respect you the way you deserve. Ask for moral support from trusted friends and family; others who authentically love you will help you. Get into counseling for your own healing. Don't enable, protect or try to fix the Manipulator at your own expense. Protect yourself. Follow a 'no contact' rule so you're not tempted to re-engage with the person. Life is short, you do have a choice, and we don't have many do-overs available to us as an adult. Surrender to the truth of the situation - the truth shall set you free! A better future and an authentic lover are both awaiting you. Let go of the old so you can welcome the new. I wish you Faith vs. Fear on your own journey of self-love. Oh, and don't ride the roller coaster…it's not worth the thrill and can make you sick.
NOTE: This is a fictional story written to help others based on experience, interviews with others, and extensive research on Narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, and Co-Dependency.