Is The Man You're Dating a Fixer-Upper?


Is The Man You're Dating a Fixer-Upper?
Are you in love with your guy - or with his potential?

In the Fixer Upper Relationship you know you’ve got the perfect man – just as soon as you upgrade his communication skills, style, health, and relationship with his mother! The woman who finds herself in the Fixer Upper Relationship is typically emotionally aware, upbeat, and a little codependent. She likes to make little suggestions to her man about books he should read, articles he should check out, and self-improvement classes he could benefit from. She’s driven to fix all his issues and heal all his hurts with her love, but instead of seeing her as a loving girlfriend, he sees her as an overbearing mother figure – not sexy.

If this sounds like your relationship, you’re going to have to do some work to reign in your overbearing, codependent ways! If you keep telling your man that he’s not living up to your standards, you’re going to drive him away. Period. You need to focus on all the things your man does right, and let him reach his potential on his own.

More from YourTango: 5 Quick Steps To Get Over A Breakup

To get started, look at what you want to change about your man, versus his good qualities. For example, if you find yourself obsessing over his lack of style or low-level job, take a deep breath and remember why you’re with him in the first place. Does he bring you breakfast in bed every Saturday morning, even though he does it wearing baggy jeans and a graphic tee? Do you share the same deep values about family and religion, even though his job isn’t as high-powered as you would like?

If your man is providing for you in deep ways that are indicative of a strong partnership, then do yourself a favor and let everything else go. He’ll reach his true potential on his own time. There’s absolutely no need for you to be involved in that area of his life unless he requests your help.

Now, there are some exceptions. For example, if you’re trying to convince your guy to shift his values about religion so they’re more aligned with yours, or you want to turn a Marlboro man into a sensitive poet, no matter how hard you try, you’re probably not going to be successful. In the case of issues that are highly unlikely to change on their own, I’d say you two probably aren’t a match, and you might want to move on.

More from YourTango: Are You A Critical Kathy? If So, Here’s How To Stop

More Love Advice from YourTango:


For more proven and practical dating advice, go to and catch up with me on Facebook!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Heather Baker

Life Coach

Promise Me That You Won't Stop Looking Until You Find The Things That Really Matter

-K Cerulean

Location: San Francisco, CA
Credentials: BA, CPC, ELI-MP
Other Articles/News by Heather Baker:

5 Quick Steps To Get Over A Breakup


Whether he broke up with you or you're the one who ended the relationship, breaking up genuinely sucks. The end of a romantic relationship is a very real painful loss and it's going to take time for you to fully recover. That being said, there are ways you can get over a breakup more quickly — and surprisingly they all involve embracing the ... Read more

Are You A Critical Kathy? If So, Here’s How To Stop


How do you respond to your partner when he does something that annoys you? For example, let’s say you come home from work after an incredibly long day at the office to find that your man is already asleep, and there’s a sink full of dirty dishes that aren’t going to wash themselves. How do you respond? Do you talk to your man about it? Do you ... Read more

Would Your Husband Marry You Again? Why The Answer May Be No


A few weeks ago I was in the middle of a coaching session with a male client when he said the unthinkable: "If I met my wife today I wouldn’t marry her." Ouch. His brutally honest comment stuck with me long after our session ended, and got me thinking about the ways people in relationships change throughout the years. Oftentimes ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts

Put Your Relationship on a Diet Free of Blame and Criticism

Replace the blame and criticism in your relationship with heartfelt gratitude and appreciations.


Why You'll Never Meet The Right Partner

Give up the search - and figure out how to actually create love instead.

Trouble In Paradise

The Honeymoon Is Over

Making marriage work post honeymoon phase

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>