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Is The Man You're Dating a Fixer-Upper?

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Is The Man You're Dating a Fixer-Upper?
Are you in love with your guy - or with his potential?

In the Fixer Upper Relationship you know you’ve got the perfect man – just as soon as you upgrade his communication skills, style, health, and relationship with his mother! The woman who finds herself in the Fixer Upper Relationship is typically emotionally aware, upbeat, and a little codependent. She likes to make little suggestions to her man about books he should read, articles he should check out, and self-improvement classes he could benefit from. She’s driven to fix all his issues and heal all his hurts with her love, but instead of seeing her as a loving girlfriend, he sees her as an overbearing mother figure – not sexy.

If this sounds like your relationship, you’re going to have to do some work to reign in your overbearing, codependent ways! If you keep telling your man that he’s not living up to your standards, you’re going to drive him away. Period. You need to focus on all the things your man does right, and let him reach his potential on his own.

More from YourTango: 5 Quick Steps To Get Over A Breakup

To get started, look at what you want to change about your man, versus his good qualities. For example, if you find yourself obsessing over his lack of style or low-level job, take a deep breath and remember why you’re with him in the first place. Does he bring you breakfast in bed every Saturday morning, even though he does it wearing baggy jeans and a graphic tee? Do you share the same deep values about family and religion, even though his job isn’t as high-powered as you would like?

If your man is providing for you in deep ways that are indicative of a strong partnership, then do yourself a favor and let everything else go. He’ll reach his true potential on his own time. There’s absolutely no need for you to be involved in that area of his life unless he requests your help.

Now, there are some exceptions. For example, if you’re trying to convince your guy to shift his values about religion so they’re more aligned with yours, or you want to turn a Marlboro man into a sensitive poet, no matter how hard you try, you’re probably not going to be successful. In the case of issues that are highly unlikely to change on their own, I’d say you two probably aren’t a match, and you might want to move on.

More from YourTango: Are You A Critical Kathy? If So, Here’s How To Stop

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Heather Baker

Life Coach

Promise Me That You Won't Stop Looking Until You Find The Things That Really Matter

-K Cerulean

Location: San Francisco, CA
Credentials: BA, CPC, ELI-MP
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