If I had to receive a report card to assess my performance as a husband in the early years of my marriage, I would be considered an underachiever. Like most men, I had absolutely no clue what it took to make a relationship work. Raw, untamed masculinity often creates hurt, pain, disrespect and dishonor to the feminine soul. In fact, if dishonor was a course of study, I would have passed with flying colors.
When partners look at each other, it’s all too easy to see only the irritating habits, the failures, the broken promises – and forget that beneath the tarnish, the pure steel is still intact. It didn’t occur to me that honor meant placing a high value on my wife and considering her needs and interests as important.
If we are to honor each other, we must learn to look past the weaknesses and affirm the value and inner beauty that resides within each of us. We must view our significant others as a precious commodity; much like a 100 carat diamond. When we do, our positive thoughts and feelings will increase. This is known as “confirmation bias,” an intentional search for evidence in your partner to support the feelings you hold in your heart for them.
However, beyond words and feelings, true honor is expressed in deeds and actions. If you ever wanted to know how to place honor back into your marriage consider this condensed list:
1. Become a student of your partner. How can you honor someone without knowing how all the parts work – the hot buttons, preferences, loves, hates, joys, favorite everythings, and pet peeves? Well, you need to study your true love and create an instruction manual. Utilizing this vital information will allow you to become your partner’s ‘Lover’s Concierge’ which will bring honor into the relationship.
2. Do sweat the small stuff. Couples often make the mistake of thinking of honor as a focus on the big things they do for each other, however the big things don’t make up for the little things we should be doing all the time. It can be as simple as cooking a favorite meal, making a needed household repair, or simply opening the door for your partner.
3. Make yourself appear worthy. Your physical appearance can reflect the high value you place on your mate. If you are fifty pounds overweight count your calories and begin to shed the weight. You honor your mate by taking care of yourself – your health, your grooming, your clothes, and your general appearance.
4. List your mate’s positive qualities. Actually make a list of all the things you admire about your partner. Post these in a highly visible place in your home where you and, more importantly, your partner can see them every day.
5. Display your mate’s significance. Show your partner that their happiness is your highest priority, welcome their thoughts, display genuine interest and interact from an attitude of gratitude.
These few tips on the value of honor are sure to reboot your relationship and send it on the path of instant recovery.
To find out more about Co-Founders of Couples Academy, Hasani and Danielle Pettiford, go to www.couplesacademy.org. View videos on our channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/hasanispeaks and follow at https://twitter.com/couplesacademy
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