ProConnect

The Power Of Being Seen - A Life That Matters

By

The Power Of Being Seen - A Life That Matters
How to feel loved and noticed.
Learning what matters most in life can make you feel alive.

We showed up early for the graveside burial. Aunt Sabina was the last survivor of the remnant of my husband's family that survived the war. My husband was born in Poland at the tail end of the war and spent his childhood years at Bergen-Belsen, hastily refurbished after the war to be a DP Camp (Displaced Persons Camp) housing the hundreds of thousands of Jews who could not go back to their countries of origin.

We were early and as we stood alone we noticed something was wrong, very wrong. Aunt Sabina was being buried next to her husband, who had predeceased her, but there was no headstone or marker of any kind on his grave. We located the groundskeeper and asked the whereabouts of their daughter who had died a few years ago. He replied, "Oh, yes, she's up on that hill over there. There's no marker or headstone for her either." 

More from YourTango: Vayakhel - Building Your Dream Home

The only person who knew the burial sites of the family was the groundskeeper? "How could this be? This does not happen in America. They’re in unmarked graves? Like they didn't exist? They didn't matter?" My husband was incredulous, shaking his head. Watching his last link to Europe being lowered in the ground, I could sense he was feeling displaced. I habitually read headstones when I walk through a cemetery. "I see you," I silently whisper as I walk down the rows. Don't we all want to be noticed, to be witnessed, even after death, even by a passing stranger? We are hard-wired for connection. It's the basis of well-being.

Most mornings, my husband and I have coffee togther before he heads out. Usually, within 5 minutes of his leaving the house, the phone rings. I check the caller ID and it's my husband, calling just to say, "Hi."  "Umm, yea, I'm pretty much the same as I was 5 minutes ago.  Yea, I'm still in my robe.  Are you good?  OK. I love you too, sweetheart."

We are connected and interconnected.  When I make him coffee, I add sweetener, just the way he likes it. When he orders pizza for dinner, he brings back hot peppers, just the way I like it. He knows when I'm pretending to listen. I know when he's hiding his worry. He understands why I worry about the future. I know his childhood wounds. We are each other's observers, the witnesses of each other's lives.

We notice and we see the good in each other. It may sound boring, but I want my routine comings and goings to matter. I want someone to notice when I can't fall asleep or wonder why I am up so early, or why I am nervously eating again even though I had dinner 30 minutes ago.

More from YourTango: Ki Sisa - The Psychology of the Golden Calf Fiasco

Simply, an observed life matters, and when we observe each other, when we stand witness to each other, seeing each other fully, and loving what we see, we matter to that which matters most. We can never feel the despair of isolation and disconnection, and we can never ever be displaced.  We are finally home.

More personal development coach advice from YourTango

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Hanna Perlberger

Relationship Coach

“Great romances are not for wimps”.  Same goes for marriage and relationship coaches.  Hanna Perlberger is a happily-reformed divorce attorney because after 22 years in the divorce wars, she became a Professional Certified Life Coach, specializing in marriage, relationships & wellness.  “Success doesn’t breed happiness – it’s the other way around.”  

Hanna created a unique approach which uses the principles of holistic wellness and well-being, to help committed and engaged (non-wimpy) people become happier, because happy people are more successful in all of life’s domains, and especially in their relationships.   She is the founder of Make the Best of You.com.  Her out-of-the-box passions include Flamenco dancing, boxing, Tai Chi, and wine making.   She lives in PA with her husband (20 plus years!), their youngest kid who is in high school, and 2 small useless-but-cute dogs.
 

Location: Bala Cynwyd, PA
Credentials: BCC, JD, RCS
Other Articles/News by Hanna Perlberger:

Vayakhel - Building Your Dream Home

By

"To create a dream, you need to visualize it." Read this week’s Torah portion, Vayakhel, and you would think you are having a déjà vu experience. Much of this week’s Torah portion is a recap of the last three. We just read G-d’s instructions to Moses about building the Tabernacle. Now, we are getting the ... Read more

Ki Sisa - The Psychology of the Golden Calf Fiasco

By

In the aftermath of a scandal having to do with embezzlement from a charity, a woman wrote an article chiding people for their moral outrage, suggesting that none of us can be certain of how we would act under similar circumstances.  I totally reject that idea.  I know myself pretty well, and I couldn’t imagine any set of factors where I would ... Read more

Clothes Make the Man - Or Do They?

By

Clothes Make the Man We all know the expression, “Clothes make the man.”  Is this about creating an external reality via the perceptions of others? Or do the outer garments we wear affect us on an internal level, which then creates a new external reality? This week’s Torah Portion, Tetzaveh, deals almost exclusively with the ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Rebirth Renew Happy Easter!

Five ways to get going on your best life today!

Texting Your Way To Love

How To Have Cyber Sex: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Lady's Passion

Cyber sex partners disappearing right when things are heating up? Make them crave you instead!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS