We Love People Who Hurt Us Because Of Childhood Pain

By

We Love People Who Hurt Us Because Of Childhood Pain
Your childhood makes you irresistibly drawn to hurtful people until you heal a Human Magnet Syndrome


Ross:  Harville Hendrix is an esteemed colleague, who says we repeat relationship patterns born out of our childhood experience.  In my book, I explain how someone becomes a codependent, narcissist or emotional manipulator.  It always goes back to your childhood.
If you were a child of an emotional manipulator or narcissist, your emotional needs were not met.  You would have been traumatized as a child, because you weren’t loved unconditionally.  So you become a codependent as an adult, who learned a coping style that taught you how to please, how to sacrifice, how to get love by making a narcissistic parent feel good about themselves. 
If you couldn’t figure out how to meet your parent’s needs, you learned through your own efforts that your needs are met. Then you become narcissistic, focused on fulfilling your own needs.Until you heal your childhood trauma, you act out to repeat those patterns as an adult. You need therapy to change your childhood pattern.


Hadley:  Are you saying hat you can’t change childhood patterns by reading books like yours or Harville Hendrix’s to become aware of old patterns and heal or break them?


Ross:  I wish you could use our books to heal dysfunctional emotional patterns.  In reality, when you experience psychological trauma as a child or adult, it’s deeply embedded in your psyche and you need help to heal it.  You can’t change deeply embedded psychological patterns just through awareness. 
However, awareness is an essential part of the healing process.  You can’t change a deep psychological pattern unless you’re aware of it and you’re motivated to solve it with some sort of therapy.


Hadley:  How do couples with dysfunctional personality traits improve interactions? How do singles identify warning signs of unhealthy traits in someone you’re dating?

Get the answers in the next highlights of Hadley's conversation with Ross Rosenberg for A Lasting Love.

And Hadley helps you get over a breakup or the loss of love from your childhood that's hurting your adult relationships.
Get the fastest, surest remedies she'd used to heal her own trauma over lost love, after her happy marriage ended tragically, as you read her book, 911 Breakup Survival.  Readers say it changes how you see your life and relationships in only a few hours.  So get your book at 911BreakupSurvival.com and transform your love life now.

And discover 7 new ways to find great people to date, love and marry in Hadley's FREE report at IFindLoveFast.com

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Hadley Finch

Author

Get all the love and happiness you deserve now,

Hadley Finch

Founder SinglesLoveMatches.com Find Love-Guaranteed

Creator  Couples Love Toolkit creates enchanting relationships

Author  911 Breakup Survival-How to Get Over A Breakup And Love Again, Like It's The First Time

Author of Novel and Blog, Tribe Of Blondes - Resilient Optimists Who Believe in Great Love

Radio host  A Lasting Love

Host Single Travelers on Vacations You'll Love

Host Love Success Happiness-7 Power Laws Make Your Dreams Come True (coming soon)

 

Location: Oak Brook, IL
Credentials: BS
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
Other Articles/News by Hadley Finch:

Does Marriage Kill Sex and Romance?

By

Does marriage have to kill passion and romance? Or can couples sustain a hot sexual fire? Get the answers from me and other top experts in the highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with neurosurgeon, Dr. Charles E. Rawling, who wrote It Really Is That Complicated, and R. Milton Quibner, author of the sexual satire, How High Should I ... Read more

How Newlyweds Build An Enchanting Marriage - Love Toolkit

By

There's scientific evidence why love is much more than feel-good brain chemicals that can fade. Love is an action word.  How do you build a loving relationship from the very start of your marriage?  Use the exciting love toolkit you get from me and two other top experts in highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with ... Read more

Is Love Real Or A Delusion? Love Test

By

Most dating singles are skeptical about marriage going the distance, because America has the highest divorce rates in the world.  Over half of first marriages end in divorce, with even higher divorce rates for second through forth marriages. Clearly, the love that draws couples together in marriage can't keep half of married couples together ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular